I took the month of March off social media and avoided news to recalibrate and give myself a rest. I did the same in 2020 and found the experience especially rewarding during such a stressful period.

Since I’m back, I thought I would share a few takeaways.

Hardly anyone noticed. Only a handful of people contacted me about my hiatus, don’t worry; my feelings didn’t get hurt. It makes you question the social aspect of social media; we really are slaves to algorithms that keep feeding us and distracting us from our actual friends. Are you paying attention?

Surprisingly, I only saw a slight decrease in referral traffic from LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter to this blog and site and my business site and blog at futureforth.com.

Moving forward, I’ve decided to comment before I like something I see on social media. This means I plan to engage with you much more again. I need to practice what I preach and put the social back into social media.

I’m avoiding the rabbit holes. I have scheduled one hour a day max for social media. This might be done in two thirty-minute increments AM/PM on some days. I will use Freedom to block myself from accessing such sites for the rest of each day to focus on my business, family, and friends.

I quietly celebrated 1,000 days sober during my break. I also resisted posting photos and videos from my recent trips to London, Scotland, and the 12-mile hike we did with friends. Starting today, you can find that #latergram content on my Instagram.

I highly recommend you give your mind a rest. Social media isn’t what it used to be. Nowadays, it’s even hard to know if you’re corresponding with a real person because of bots and the advances of AI. I will focus much more on in-person encounters and actual friendships (with all due respect to my many acquaintances). 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of friendship for some time; I recommend you listen to my chat with Professor Robin Dunar of Dunbar’s Number fame (which I wrote about in my book, New Business Networking) about this topic. He wrote a thought-provoking and data-rich book all about the topic, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships. I recommend it!

Have you taken digital detox breaks? What was your experience like? 

I was saddened to hear Darren Barefoot died last week following complications from metastatic cancer. I had never put my finger on the legacy his message had on me until now; more on this in a moment.

I recently enjoyed an overdue, deep conversation with my seventeen-year-old son over dinner. We were talking about supporting causes we care about and his college plans.

One thought that has stirred in my head for years, that I shared with him, is about how knowledge workers can support the causes they care most about with money instead of time. 

I made the case that while volunteering your time is a beautiful act, supporting the cause with a healthy donation can be much more impactful. I explained that I support causes I care about by donating a small percentage of my business profits. My goal is to increase this percentage as I reach my financial goals. 

There is nothing negative with donating your time working in a food bank, for example, but if you can generate more money, that donated money can have a much more significant impact on supporting the food bank. Better to have a surplus of food than helpers to restock the shelves, right?

The thought about donating money for knowledge workers over volunteering time came from a presentation I saw in 2007 at Gnomedex by Darren Barefoot. 

What legacy will you leave?

Sadly, Darren passed away last week from cancer. His untimely death led me to rewatch his presentation. He opened his talk by empowering us to consider what legacy we will leave. This message is something I've reflected on and written about since seeing his speech so many years ago.

Subtly, Darren’s message of giving what you can stuck with me. His legacy is this point. His wit, smarts, and charm impressed the importance of philanthropy upon me. I never credited this to him until now because I never realized where these thoughts had come from.

I invite you to spend thirty minutes watching Darren’s presentation; thankfully, it's preserved on YouTube. 

Rest in peace, Darren. You impacted me, and I've already passed these ideas along to my son, so your kind thoughts live on.

My deepest condolences to Darren’s family and friends. If you knew Darren, perhaps you would like to leave a comment here about how he touched your life.

Dear reader, what legacy will you leave?

This happens more than you think. You are an event planner, and your keynote speaker suddenly cancels at the last minute. Next thing you know, panicked, you are searching Google for the best last-minute keynote speakers for corporate events in Nashville and freaking out!

Here are some recommendations for meeting planners and conference organizers urgently seeking a replacement motivational speaker in Nashville, Tennessee.

Five Tips to Finding a Last Minute Presenter in Nashville (and beyond)

1. Have a backup plan in place: Have a backup list for Nashville-based speakers, just in case. Having a list of potential replacement speakers who can be called upon in an emergency is a good idea. An advantage is this should save you money because the speaker shouldn’t charge you for travel or accommodation. In cases like this, I always discount my speaking fee.

2. Communicate with event staff: Communicate with them to ensure they know the situation and can help you find a replacement speaker. They may have contacts or resources to help you quickly find a replacement.

3. Reach out to your professional network: Contact other speakers, colleagues, or industry experts to see if they can step in at the last minute. Contact me. If I am not the right fit or unavailable, I will connect you to Nashville area professional speakers who can help you. You may also have some luck with the Nashville Convention & Visitors Corp or Nashville Area Chamber of Commerce.

4. Be transparent with attendees: Let attendees know that the original keynote speaker can no longer attend, but assure them that a qualified replacement has been secured. Communicating any program schedule changes is essential to ensure everything is clear.

5. Adjust the schedule if necessary: If the replacement speaker has a different topic or presentation style, consider adjusting the schedule to accommodate the change. This will help ensure the audience gets the most out of the event. Hopefully, you will find a nice speaker who is easy to work with (shameless plug) to fit your needs.

Don’t Panic. I will help you find a replacement speaker.

Overall, having a backup plan and remaining calm and professional can help ensure that any last-minute changes to the keynote speaker do not negatively impact the event. If you’re stuck right now as you read this, call or email me. I promise to point you in the right direction.

I managed to squeeze in two hikes while visiting Phoenix. I needed a little adventure and fresh air to clear my head and ruminate about my business. 

My hikes took me to Camelback Mountain via the Cholla Trail, a three-mile hike up 1,279 feet, with me climbing steep rock walls. And Phoenix Mountain Nature Trail 304, a less challenging two-mile hike into vast valleys. 

🌵Just do it. Nike sure nailed it with this, didn’t they? I had options to shop, eat, or stay in the lonely hotel room and stare at a screen. No, I fired up the All Trails app and chose the hikes based on their popularity. The first was labeled Hard, and the second was Moderate. 

🌵 Don’t be cocky or complacent. It’s always easier and faster getting down from the mountain than up. I moved a little too quickly, passing through the same loose rocks and cliff edges. I reminded myself that I could just as easily break or twist my ankle by not paying enough attention or being careful. Be careful going up and down.

🌵 The goal is closer than you think. It is. I almost quit the Cholla Trail when I noticed how much further I still had to climb and how steep and distant it seemed. The analogy of my work leading me to something bigger and better didn't escape me. I'm getting closer.

🌵 Be supportive. When I decided not to quit and keep pushing upward, a man passed me who said it was not much further. He added, “You can do it, man!” I reciprocated on the down part of my hike as I passed tired-looking people facing the same decision to quit.

🌵 Know your limits. As I got closer to the lowest lookouts, I came across a couple. The man held a baby to his chest, and the woman held a small child's hand. I was thankful they knew better than to attempt that climb with children in tow. I recalled seeing an idiotic man standing on a slippery rock at a waterfall. He held a child on his shoulders, wearing the cheapest plastic flip-flops. That image has never escaped me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

🌵 Prepare yourself. I was nearing the end of my return along the Piestewa Trail when I met James. I loved chatting with this older retired Silicon Valley engineer. I assured him the trail wasn’t too bad to go further, but he noted he had failed to bring any water and didn’t want to risk it. He was wise not to proceed. I also bought some sunblock and lathered up before each hike and was sure my phone had power - just in case. 

🌵 Pause and reflect. Along both hikes, I found a comfortable rock (as comfortable as rocks get) to sit on and reflect. Just breathing in the air and following my breath left me so relaxed and happy as the sun warmed me, and the shadow from the massive cacti kept me shaded. 

🌵 Don’t forget your business cards. On the first hike, I met a wonderful British couple from Soho in London. Michelle and Joe who was kind enough to offer me his business card and urged me to reach out when we visit London. I had my cards with me and gave James one on the second day should he find his way to Nashville.  

🌄 Not only did I get some needed exercise walking the mountain trails and roads around Scottsdale, about ten miles over a couple of days, but these lessons served as invaluable reminders to live a good life and hit those trails no matter where my travels take me. 

 Where will the trails take you?

In 2017, I became a contract speaker for Google. Since then, I have taught thousands of people how to improve their digital skills to grow their businesses and careers. I’ve worked with wonderful organizations like the SBDC, SBA, SCORE, chambers of commerce, colleges, and libraries across the United States and Canada. Let me know if you’d like some help too.

As a Grow with Google speaker, Google trusts me to represent them across multiple states, including Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arizona. I’ve even represented Google on local and national television news.

One highlight of representing Google was being booked as the head trainer for six flagship events across Canada, where I spoke to audiences in the hundreds. Along this journey, I was also asked to train Google trainers to improve their presentation skills in train-the-trainers sessions.

Now I’m offering this to you. If you have a team of trainers or a department (like sales and marketing) who wish to improve their communication skills, or you want to communicate with confidence, check this out.

Next week, I will be in Arizona teaching a team of wonderful trainers in my COMMUNICATION & STORYTELLING WORKSHOP. I can't wait to help them improve how they represent their company. I’d love to help you too.

My biggest takeaway from 2022 was to slow down and focus on perspective. What I learned directly resulted from a steady practice of mindfulness and meditation. The revelation came as I strolled along the lower trail of a State Park.

Radnor Lake is an over 1,300-acre nature preserve on the edge of Nashville. It has always been a favorite since moving to Music City in 2007. I’ve strolled along the tranquil lake paths and up to the more challenging cliffs many times with friends, family, and on my own. It was on my own when the thought of putting things in perspective hit home.

I suddenly felt melancholy and sadness as I noticed young children frolicking around me. It occurred to me that our kids are now teenagers, and the days of entertaining our young ones through the forest were gone. I was feeling lonely.

A lack of connection causes loneliness and is synonymous with perceived social isolation, not objective social isolation. Even living among people you love, you can still feel lonely. My challenges with anxiety weren’t helping me at that moment.

I noticed how happy the parents looked as they laughed at their kids being silly, bouncing through the leaves, and climbing the trees. I asked myself why I was feeling sad. The answer made me realize that my chosen emotion needed to be corrected. It wasn’t sadness that I should be feeling but happiness, but why happiness?

• Happy that these random parents and their children were having fun around me.

• Happy that I took our kids through these same trails many times when they were little.

• Happy that our kids now have memories of their own and enjoy such hikes in their later teenage years.

• Happy that I did this with our kids. I chose to take them on these walks through the woods.

This occasion of walking alone in the woods triggered my reflection, which led to the revelation. I realized that true sadness would be warranted if I had never taken them on the trails. If I had never spent time playing with them through those woods, that regret and sadness would make sense to me.

Slowing down and going for the hike helped me clear my head. The power of perspective made me realize it was a time to celebrate. I remember smiling and feeling great joy as I continued my hike along Radnor Lake.

Click to watch the clip on Instagram.

I performed stand-up comedy for the first time last night. I didn’t bomb, phew!  

I’ve been a comedy fan for my entire life. I grew up listening to all of the greats on albums and watching them on TV. I studied improv at Second City in Toronto. I’ve performed improv in Canada, US, England, Scotland, and Ireland. But standup comedy is a different medium than improv.

In improv, actors rely on one another to support and build a scene together (or to save them from one with a stage swipe) using the audience's suggestions AKA gives. Standup is solo, though. You’re on your own. 

As a keynote speaker, I’m pretty comfortable on stages in front of audiences. I’ve delivered many presentations to thousands of people over the years. Audiences are more forgiving in these arenas because they are there to learn. 

A presentation can’t be crammed with countless facts alone; that would be a train wreck. But a comedian is the opposite when you replace facts with jokes because their success metric is the number of laughs they receive in a set.  

Stories are the medium used to deliver facts, gives, and jokes. 

I’ve performed at several storytelling events over the years. This experience is vital for professional speakers, improvisers, and comedians to consider. Stories are the medium used to deliver facts, gives, and jokes. 

When I think of my favorite comedians, it’s all about the story. Developing that narrative and fitting the jokes within makes excellent comedy.

Tips for first-time comics (even at 50-years-old)

Here are some tips if you’re planning to perform standup for the first time. I'm no expert, of course, but here are some things to consider. 

Build a network. I took stand-up comedy classes at Third Coast in Nashville. I wanted to learn about standup performance, but my second goal was to meet other newbies. This support group will give you honest feedback and hold you accountable. I believe this is crucial. Thanks to Caitlin Price for joining me!

Arrive early and plan to stay late. I arrived just as the doors opened at 7:30 to be sure to add my name to the list. I was the tenth name, and the sets were four minutes. In theory, I should have been on stage at 8:10, but I didn't get selected until - 10:00. The host was choosing people he knew first, but I understand why this is if the host is considering the audience. He needs to be sure the audience is having a good time and won't leave.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. I wrote my script on paper. Then I transcribed it on my computer. I printed that script to rehearse and added the main bullets on a notecard (large enough to refer to on stage without my readers. I’m fifty now, and I need readers - you will too.) I then paced across my living room floor back and forth with a timer reciting the performance. Over and over and over. My goal is not to bring the card on stage with me. It’s best to have more than enough content because, on stage, your nerves make you go faster than planned.

Study the art. I watch stand-up specials on Netflix and YouTube all of the time. I listen to brilliant podcasts like Good One, where the host Jessie Fox dissects hilarious comedy with the actual comedian. I also recommend storytelling podcasts like The Moth and This American Life. See live comedy! Note what you like and dislike from other comedians when you are in the audience. Be there to support these brave people!

Respect the house and the host. When the host flashes a light or gives you a wave, it’s time to wrap it up. As a speaker, I’m anal about time because I want to respect the next speaker, the audience, and the meeting planners. You can throw the whole schedule off if you go over your time speaking at a conference. You also want to respect the club for providing a space to perform. Order drinks and generously tip your server. 

Record your set. As cringe-worthy as it is, it’s essential to review your performance. Count the laughs (I got nineteen in four minutes for my first time, I included chuckles.) Note where you can improve—test new bits. You can buy a little tripod for your phone or ask your friend to record it for you. The recordings will reveal how much you’ve improved over time.  

Keep smiling. It’s easy to feel deflated when you’re picked last (or third from last.) It felt like my attempts to play sports in grade school. Since it was an open mic night, many talented comedians were testing new material, while others were amateurs attempting stand-up for the first time (like me). Regardless, smile and stay positive, and do your best up there. 

If at first, you don't succeed, try try, try again. This was on a fridge magnet at my mum's house when I was a kid. It was solid advice. I love this quote by Norm MacDonald about bombing, "Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny."

Want to hear more about my adventures with standup? Follow the journey here.

If you're looking for more advice on performance, writing, and comedy, check out this blog post. 

What’s your experience with stand-up comedy? Have you performed before? Would you like to try? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash.

I have read many definitions of what a brand is, but I believe the best one is by Jeff Bezos of Amazon fame. “Your brand is what other people say about you when you're not in the room.”

If an unhappy team member complains about your company and you aren’t in the room to hear it, how do you know it was said? This sounds like a philosophical thought experiment like “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" It’s not.

The feedback (good or bad) that your staff members are providing is paramount to building a strong culture. Not only can unhappy people cost your business tens of thousands of dollars in rehiring and retraining when they decide to quit, but they can hinder your rehiring process too. Of course, it’s most important to focus on being nice and preventing this in the first place.

A good first step is to read the reviews of your current and former employees. To do this, I recommend searching for your company name on Glassdoor and Indeed. The following are a few examples Sunil Rajaraman found for his article, The 5 Most Hilarious Glassdoor Reviews of Silicon Valley Employers.

Employee Satisfaction Surveys

As a general rule, the more questions you ask in a survey the fewer answers you will receive. Brevity is important. Begin by understanding why you are creating an employee survey in the first place, perhaps it’s based on the feedback you discovered researching your company on the aforementioned sites.

I spoke with Susan Baier, whose work I admire at Audience Audit for her advice about the best tips for employee surveys.

Five Tips for Employee Surveys

1. Make it anonymous. Even if you tell people it is, if you're conducting it they might wonder if you're tracking their IP address or something. If you can have a 3rd party administer it, all the better. At the end, you can ask respondents if they would like to have a conversation with someone about their responses, but make it OPTIONAL. Nobody has to provide identifying information, department, level, location, etc.

2. Don't ask leading questions, like "Aren't we great?" "Is this the best place you've ever worked?" Instead, stick to: "How would you rate your compensation compared to your peers at other organizations?" etc.

3. Make sure you give people a full range of response options. No giving them a scale like this:

• Excellent

• Really good

• Pretty good

• Okay

• Not that great

Scales need to be balanced, with an equal number of positive responses as negative ones. You can't leave off "terrible" just because you don't want anyone to pick it.

4. Ask them how likely they think it is that you'll act on their feedback if they provide any. You can learn a lot just from that question.

5. Include an open-ended question asking for their advice, suggestions, etc.

Tap into your team’s feedback

Try not to take any negative feedback you receive from the employee surveys and the reviews you read online to heart. Use what you discover to improve your company culture.

Do you want to stop wasting money on recruiting and training? Do you want happier, more connected employees? Focus on how you hear your team.

“Your brand is what other people say about you when you’re not in the room.”

— Jeff Bezos, Amazon.

The CES Bound road trip team in 2010. I’m the one on the left (I look like a baby). Photo from Griffin Technology.

You have to acknowledge there is life outside the walls of your organization. I know, you understand this, but most people during the day-to-day forget. We are focused on prospecting and client work that we often neglect considering what’s beyond those walls.

I want to teach you the true value of embracing life outside your walls. Doing so will lead to happier and more connected employees. This will improve retention and save you money on recruiting and retraining your team members when they quit.

This particular story hits three of the most important pieces of life outside your walls. You have to have internal aspects, external aspects, and trust.

In 2010, I proposed an idea to gather a few fellow team members at Griffin Technology and embark on a road trip. The plan evolved into a major undertaking that involved rebuilding a 1972 VW Westfalia after hours, driving it 2,500 miles from Nashville to Las Vegas, organizing meet-ups with our customers, and parking ‘Double Nickles’ in our booth at CES (the largest consumer electronics show in the world).

Life Outside Your Walls

Trust

Let’s begin with trust. Without the consent of the leadership team at Griffin the trip, affectionately known as CES Bound, would not have taken place. People who work in companies that do the best job creating a culture of trust, compared to those in companies that are the worst at it, are 50% more productive, 76% more engaged, and have more than double the energy, according to research led by Paul Zak, director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University. Trust matters.

Externally

Allowing your team members the freedom to leave the office to attend conferences and tradeshows can be incredibly rewarding. They learn new skills and build relationships with future clients or customers, employees, and strategic partners.

The CES Bound trip was a six-day journey of getting to know my colleagues better. Lifelong friendships and brand loyalty were established.

Internally

The staff at Griffin eagerly volunteered their time to rebuild an immobile classic VW bus after hours. The team also organized meetups, promotional partnerships, media coverage, and 2,5000 miles worth of content for social media and promotional usage like this road trip tips guide we made.

What happened?

The outcomes of this initiative were:

“This is a nice example of how the creativity of people who have a vested interest in an organization can be harnessed in completely novel ways.

What this tells me is that Griffin listens to its innovative talent instead of ignoring their disruptive actions. This is really necessary for an organization that has to remain nimble and resilient in an industry that changes daily. Being able to leverage its own internal creativity increases the chance that Griffin will continue to be successful.”

— Richard Gayle, President, SpreadingScience.

1. We had a team of connected people with unparalleled trust in the company.

2. We had a team that was more cohesive than ever and it actually led our work within those walls to be even better.

3. We had tons of content like photos and videos that helped promote our company culture and products.

4. We welcomed countless media professionals and buyers to our booth at CES who wanted to learn about our new products and have their photos made with the bus.

5. We received media coverage from technology and business reporters.

I’m not telling you to go on a road trip, but you have to get this right and do these things if you want to have happy connected employees and if you want to reduce costs of recruiting and training replacement staff. Think about other ways you can celebrate life outside your walls.

I loved working at Griffin Technology. We built such a strong team and culture that we were able to grow and eventually, the acclaimed technology company was even acquired.

What is it about starting a new job that makes you want to quit? Up to 20% of employee turnover happens in the first 45 days for new hires!

According to SHRM, one-third of new hires quit their jobs after nearly six months. Just putting bums into seats behind computers does not save your fast-growing technology company money. In fact, losing and retraining staff is costly. A company can spend six to nine months of an employee's salary to replace them. For an employee making $60,000 per year, that comes out to $30,000 - $45,000 in recruiting and training costs. Yikes!

You want happier and more connected employees to improve retention, build a strong culture, and stop wasting money on recruiting and training. According to an HR Executive article by Jamie Kohn, “Employees today are experiencing a crisis of connection. According to Gartner research, only 40% of employees feel a sense of belonging at their organization. The problem is even worse for new employees; just 32% of employees hired in the past 12 months feel a sense of belonging to their organization.”

Three common employee onboarding mistakes to avoid the wrecks.

1. Failing to prepare for the new employee’s arrival.

A study by Octanner found 69% of employees are more likely to stay with a company for three years if they experienced great onboarding. Organizations with a standard onboarding process experience 50% greater new hire retention.

Alexandra Hicks at Zenefits shares ten ways to prepare for an employee's first day. She perfectly captures what I recommend companies do.

1. Send a first-day welcome announcement to the company. I suggest including an internal FAQ as I wrote about in my Nice Method post about how to avoid the wrecks.

2. Prepare their space.

3. Provide a staff directory.

4. Simplify first-day paperwork.

5. Offer a solid training program.

6. Assign a mentor.

7. Plan an activity.

8. Give a welcome gift.

9. Check in.

10. Show your enthusiasm.

2. Companies often fail to reinforce their values, purpose, and beliefs. 

What are your beliefs? As Ron Tite wrote in Think, Do, Say, “Believing isn’t enough. You have to act to reinforce your beliefs. These actions are based on who you do your work for, what they want you to do, and who you do it with. Tite shares the example of REI who states “We believe a life lived outside is a life worth living.” So they close their 167 stores on Thanksgiving and Black Friday to encourage their 13,000 employees to #OptOutside. In fact, they pay their staff to do this and encourage other brands to follow suit.

A Gartner survey from June 2020 of 600 employees revealed that employee engagement declined when their employer simply made a statement with no action behind it. When a company took action on a social issue, employee engagement increased by 20 percentage points.

3. Not setting clear goals and expectations.

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Click to enlarge.

Leaders should use the Nice Method to encourage discourse and clarity with their new hires. To do this, be sure they are aware of your open-door policy for feedback and questions. Schedule “Ask me anything coffee” meetings ahead of time, so they are on your new team member’s calendar.

Create SMART Goals and share them openly. To do so; be specific, make the goals measurable by setting key performance indicators, set realistic and achievable goals, be sure your goals are relevant to the business and make them time-bound to know when each goal is due.

Finally, be clear with your team when onboarding begins, how long it will last, and what impressions you want new hires to feel at the end of their first day working with you.

Onboarding is a crucial process in the Nice Method and doing it well will help you avoid the wrecks.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash.

The findings of The Achievers Workforce Institute’s February 2021 survey are sobering. Fifty-two percent of fully-employed employees said they intend to look for a new job this year, up from 35% in 2020. These numbers are especially concerning for the software technology industry who, according to LinkedIn’s most recent study found the industry has the highest turnover rate of 13.2% rate. This figure can be as high as 21.7% for embedded software engineers.

I worked for two fast-growing technology companies and experienced the negative side of growth first-hand. One day, as I was getting a cup of coffee, I noticed a new face preparing her own cup. Her affixed ID badge indicated she too worked there, so I concluded she had just joined our team.

“Hi, I’m Dave, I work in marketing. You must be new.” I smiled and welcomed our new addition.

With a half-hearted chuckle, she replied, “I’ve been working here for four months.” I could tell this was probably not the first belated welcome conversation she experienced in our quick-growing firm. I never saw her again, which left me to conclude she moved on to a different, more welcoming, nicer company.

Success can be a painful journey for your team members. Companies lose their heart as communication and cohesiveness faulters through rapid growth. Your longest and most loyal employees begin to abandon ship because they feel excluded or no longer heard.

A study by The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) reported that on average it costs a company 6 to 9 months of an employee's salary to replace him or her. For an employee making $60,000 per year, that comes out to $30,000 - $45,000 in recruiting and training costs.

I want to give leaders a look behind the scenes at what goes wrong, and how to fix it. The fact that it takes an average of 51 days to fill an IT role in the US, you simply can’t afford to ignore the turnover. While compensation matters, it isn’t the top factor when it comes to retention. Work-life balance and recognition both rate higher than compensation for retaining top talent.

The Nice Method includes three pillars to leaving you with happier and more connected employees, they are Hear Your Team, Avoid The Wrecks, and Life Outside Your Walls.

When you hear your team members actively listening, you avoid the wrecks that cause churn. When you take the time to bring your people together and you consider life outside your walls, you humanize your team which makes them happier and more connected. Happier teams have longer tenures, so you can stop wasting money on recruiting and training.

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found 4 million people quit their jobs in April 2021 — the biggest spike on record. The Nice Method will help you avoid being a part of similar future statistics.

If you’re a fast-growing tech company and you’re experiencing challenges with employee retention you are probably getting one of the Nice Method three pillars wrong.

Step 1. Hear Your Team 👈

Step 2. Avoid the Wrecks

Step 3. Life Outside Your Walls

Immigrants come to this country in droves. They start businesses and use a tax loophole, so they don’t have to pay taxes. They then invite their family members and friends here, they too start similar businesses, and they don’t pay taxes either!

This is something two American friends told me a number of months ago before dinner. They explained that these loopholes are how immigrants come from countries like India and Korea and now run most mid-range hotels and convenience stores, respectively.

Naturally, I was dumbfounded. I Googled their tax claim and discovered they were wrong. I politely added that I wish it was true since I’m an immigrant. I joked that I wanted to cash in on this*. They were both surprised but accepted my fact-checked revelation.

I explained that it made sense that an immigrant who comes to America and starts a successful business would invite their extended family. Naturally, they would support and mentor them to create similar businesses. This is what Irish laborers and Italian restauranteurs did in the early days of the US. Go back even further and it was the Spaniards and French who built great wealth from this Native American land.

I don’t expect the gentlemen were racist, they were simply ill-informed by rumors and misinformation. It’s easier to make the case when the people you refer to don’t look like you. Besides, I added, isn’t discovering loopholes to pay as little tax as possible the American way? Even that former president applauded such efforts, but I digress.

Sex & Donuts

Recently, I watched two documentaries on Hulu. I didn’t expect they would both leave me thinking a lot about immigrants... and sex and donuts.

The first film was Ask Dr. Ruth. I watched it because I was just speaking with my kids the other day about her. I told them how we (people growing up in the ’80s) learned all about sex from Dr. Ruth Westheimer (and Sue). I was curious about her story and decided to give the movie a try. I had no idea that Dr. Ruth had been a refugee who lost her parents during the holocaust. She ended up immigrating to the US in 1956.

The second film was The Donut King. The story of Ted Ngoy, also known as the “Donut King” who came to the United States as a penniless refugee from Cambodia in 1975.

Both Dr. Ruth and Ted Ngoy had horrific experiences that led in part to their relentless work ethic and passion for supporting others. Dr. Ruth literally taught thousands of Americans about sex, while Ngoy taught hundreds of Cambodian refugees how to open and run their own donut shops across the country. Both are heroes.

I had no idea that an estimated 80% of donut shops in the Los Angeles area are owned by Cambodian Americans. In Houston, Texas, the percentage is an even larger 90%.

This morning, on the way to school, I took my kids to our local donut shop and mentioned the movie to the cashier. She laughed and confirmed that she too was Cambodian!

I realize immigration is a complex topic that’s far beyond my scope. But I encourage you to watch both of these excellent films and use the web to fact-check when you hear outlandish statements.

And in case you’re wondering, here are the top 25 US companies run by immigrants.

1. Tesla

2. Google

3. eBay

4. PayPal

5. Nordstrom

6. BNY Mellon

7. Kohl’s

8. Cognizant

9. LinkedIn

10. Big Lots

11. DuPont

12. Pfizer

13. Yahoo

14. Soros Fund Management

15. Kraft Heinz

16. Goldman Sachs

17. General Electric

18. Comcast

19. Emerson

20. Capital One

21. Procter & Gamble

22. WellCare Health Plans

23. Honeywell International

24. Colgate

25. Thermo Fisher Scientific

*This immigrant always pays his taxes in full.

The Diamond Cutter by Geshe Michael Roach is a wonderful business book unlike any other.

The main story is the practical application of Buddhist philosophies to the world of business, based upon Geshe Michael Roach's seventeen-years of experience as an employee of the Andin International Diamond Corporation, a company that grew during his tenure from four employees to a world leader in the jewelry industry.

The two main takeaways, I want to share with you are related to how we treat our colleagues and how we consider money.

How we treat others

I once worked with a person who was a loud eater. They would smack their lips in a way that would drive me insane. I had to exit the room while the person lunched just to avoid flipping my desk over in disgust.

The Diamond Cutter made me reconsider this type of negative thinking when dealing with someone who annoys you. Here’s the passage I would like you to read and consider for yourself.

… nothing that ever happens to us is a good thing or a bad thing from its own side, because —if it were— then everyone else would experience it that way as well. For example, our irritating person at work would strike everyone else in exactly the same way, if his or her “irritating-ness” were something inside that was flowing out of that individual and flying across the room to us. In reality though there is almost always someone who finds the person to be good and lovable. 

The fact that this is the case has two important implications:

1) This person has no quality, within him, of being irritating or nice. He himself, from his own side, is “blank” or “neutral” or “empty”. 

2) The reason that we personally experience this person as being irritating must be coming from somewhere else.

Apparently, there is no “irritating-ness” flowing from these people to them— which very simply proves that this is not a quality within the people themselves. They have no such quality within themselves, or it would show itself to others; they are, rather, like blank screens, neutral and different people see different things in them. This is a very simple and undeniable proof of emptiness or hidden potential. And everything else in the world is the same.

So the next time someone is annoying you, consider why you are being annoyed. Rather, consider how the person is loved by others. Don’t be upset if others don’t find you as nice as you are striving to be.

Building wealth

Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash.

The Diamond Cutter spends a fair amount of time exploring the ideas of money and building wealth. I’ve shared strategies related to this with you here before. I’ve also written at length about the need to network nicely within my book, New Business Networking, and to always find ways to serve others first and foremost.

In The Diamond Cutter, Roach shares the idea of planting karmic imprints or seeds for the future. He also speaks of manifestation in this regard.

Now if all these theories are right, then the reason that any particular venture (brilliant or idiotic) is a success and makes money is due only to the good imprints in the mind of its creator: Those who succeed get to see themselves making money only because, at some point in the past, they planted in their minds an imprint to see themselves making money. And this particular imprint can be planted only by watching yourself giving all you can to others. As we’ve seen, this giving begins and should begin in a limited way: Small kindnesses done to people in your own department, or your own family, based on watching them closely to see what they want and need.  

Then the giving graduates to a broader level, say to every department in your company, with the gift taking on more substantial proportions- financial yes, but also in terms of giving your own time, and your emotional and professional support, and helping people with ideas. 

He describes three principles about making money. The first is related to how people feel about money and its connection to greed.

In Buddhism, it is not the money which is in itself wrong; in fact, a person with greater resources can do much more good in the world than one without. The question rather is how we make the money; whether we understand where it comes from and how to make it continue to come; and whether we keep a healthy attitude about the money.

The whole point then is to make money in a clean and honest way, to understand clearly where it comes from so it doesn’t stop, and to maintain a healthy view toward it where we have it. As long as we do these things, making money is completely consistent with a spiritual way of life; in fact, it becomes part of a spiritual way of life.

The second principle is that we should enjoy the money; that is, we should learn how to keep our minds and bodies in good health while we make the money. The activity of creating wealth should not exhaust us so much physically or mentally that we cannot enjoy the wealth. A business person who ruins his health doing business is defeating the very purpose of business.

The third principle is that you should be able to look back at your business, at the end, and honestly say that your years of doing business have had some meaning. The end of every business enterprise we engage in, and in fact the end of our lives, must come to every person who ever does business. And at the most important part of the business - at the end, when we are looking back on all we have achieved - we should see that we have conducted ourselves and our business in a way that had some lasting meaning, that left some good mark in the world.

To summarize, the goal of a business, and of ancient Tibetan wisdom, and in fact of all human endeavor, is to enrich ourselves - to achieve prosperity, both outer and inner. We can enjoy this prosperity only if we maintain a high degree of physical and mental health. And over the length of our lives we must seek ways to make this prosperity meaningful in a larger sense.

There is much more to explore in The Diamond Cutter. I highly recommend you give this gem a read for yourself. Feel free to share any takeaways with me here. I always love to hear from you.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash.

(Originally written in June 2020)

Nashville’s unofficial bird is the crane. From where I’m sitting as I write this, I count eight cranes looming over Music City.

According to the Nashville Business Journal’s “Crane Watch”, as of May 2020, there are 34 tower cranes in the Nashville skies — a number that's held relatively steady, with one crane seeming to appear each time another is dismantled. The tally is nearly as many as Seattle, and more than Chicago, Denver, Portland, and Washington, D.C., according to the firm Rider Levett Bucknall.

We live in the suburbs. I usually cringe when I see the massive, metallic machines looming over the sky. I bitch to myself about how I don’t even recognize sections of the city anymore. I complain about the lack of affordable housing and how musicians can’t even live here anymore.

Since temporarily relocating into the upscale, Gulch neighborhood, I’ve started to rethink my negative attitude. Cranes are a sign of growth. New buildings certainly beat boarded-up ones due to closures, which is the case in many cities and towns across this country (even pre-pandemic).

I came to this realization today as we walked Peggy. We walked north along 11th all the way to Jefferson. We discovered a section of the Nashville Greenway we didn’t know existed.

It occurred to me, as we stood on the NE corner of Broadway and 12th, that this used to be a super sketchy corner. When we first moved to Nashville in 2007, I noticed the only people who walked around were occasional tourists and homeless people. I longed to live in a walkable city.

Walking Cities

One of my favorite parts of traveling is exploring cities on foot. I always make a point to arrive early or depart a little later, so I can have time to walk around. This has resulted in me discovering all sorts of cool places creating my own mental Altas Obscura. Some discoveries that come to mind from such adventures are the doors in Scottsdale, a punk rock shop in New Hope, and a wicked record shop in Tucson.

It is because of all of this construction in Nashville that new walkable areas of downtown areas are appearing. I noticed many people out strolling to work, walking dogs, and jogging. I marveled at how we were able to safely move through the area with ease along the sidewalks and walking paths. I wished the traffic lights would change without a need for pedestrians to press the button, but this was overshadowed by the progress.

Nashville still has a ways to go to become a fully walkable city. It scores 28 out of 100 from WalkScore.com. I looked up my hometown of Toronto and it has a score of 61. Not too shabby.

What’s your city’s walking score?

Did you know on average, only 21% of organizations keep their workplace communications simple and jargon-free?

Not everyone understands online sarcasm, and some don't even understand it offline (I feel bad for them). Emoticons are a common thing to include in casual online communication. However, not everyone understands that :-) is supposed to be a smile, and ;-) is supposed to be a wink.

What does the J in emails mean?

Do you use Microsoft Outlook for email? You probably have the popular Wingdings font installed. The cute smile that you include in your message confuses the pants off the recipient if they use a different email client because the smile appears as a single capitalized letter "J."

When corresponding in a professional manner via email, it is best to avoid sarcasm and emoticons. Avoid slang, too, because that can really mess things up for you.

I once ran into a problem with my colleagues. There was confusion over what was needed for an important project. I composed a detailed email to clarify everything, but I made one big mistake.

I meticulously wrote out each step needed for the project in a bulleted email. To be absolutely sure that the team would understand what was needed, I proofread my message multiple times before hitting the send button. My big mistake was how I signed off in the message.

Who the heck is Bob?

You see, I'm Canadian. My Mum is British. That wasn't a typo; I actually call her "Mum." In Canada and the UK, there is a popular expression that we use instead of saying, "And there you have it." The expression is one that completely messed up my perfect email. I ended my email with, "and Bob's your uncle."

I hit send, and I sat back in my chair with a deep feeling of satisfaction for helping everyone understand what was needed. We worked in an open-environment without walls; I could see some of my colleagues at their desks. Their heads were down focusing on their work. Their email notifications went off as my message arrived in their inboxes. Slowly, their heads began to rise with looks of bewilderment across their faces. Finally, one of them exclaimed, "Who the heck is Bob?"

It was tragically hilarious that I then had to explain what the sentence meant. Not only this, but I had to reply to other colleague’s confused emails to me who were not in the room. Yes, it made for a great laugh, but caused a big disruption in the time we could have been using to finish the pressing project.

Whether you're writing an email to follow up with a person you met at a networking event, replying to a customer, or emailing your boss, do yourself a favor and avoid sarcasm, slang, and emoticons. Nobody has the time for long-winded email messages these days, so keep them short, sweet, and nice.

And Bob's your uncle!

A general rule of life should be to always aim for quality over quantity. The only exception I have thought of is money. I’d rather have more money, I don’t really care about the condition of the bills. With more money I can support the causes I care most about and eliminate the stress that stops me from creating the content I most want to share with you.

My quality over quantity rule is especially nice as it applies to relationships. I’m very much a people person. Over my many years of indulgence and excitement over the rise of social networks, I mistook these brief interactions with people as quality encounters. They used to be, but today algorithms decide whom you will see in your timeline instead of you.

“Let your guiding rule be not how much, but how good. A thing you do not want is expensive at any price. Avoid surplus. Choose quality over quantity.”

— Mayer A. Rothschild.

During my digital detox from social media last summer, I made it a point to reconnect with old friends via video conferencing, telephone, or a few in-person* beverages. I didn’t realize how much I missed this type of interaction.

I have been reviewing old photographs from the many conferences I attended over the years. I have then scheduled and conducted catch up video chats with some of those folks. The meetings have been personally rewarding to me. These quality chats are much more fulfilling than a like, comment, text, or private message.

“The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.”

— Nicky Gumbel.

Spending 30-60+ minutes chatting with people I enjoyed meeting way back when has been one of the best uses of my time. Why not communicate again with the people you have most enjoyed interacting with in the past?

They say time and attention are our most valuable resources. Investing this time and attention in reconnecting with people I admire has made me far richer.

Quality relationships make you richer.

* Making a point to be six-feet apart, wearing a mask before and after, and with clean hands.

In order to effectively lead an organization or department, one must be fluent in social intelligence skills.

The key elements of social intelligence are verbal fluency and conversational skills; knowledge of social roles, rules, and scripts; effective listening skills; understanding what makes other people tick; social self-efficacy; and impression management skills. Social intelligence (SI) is one of the core areas my corporate training focuses on in the Nice Method. How versed are you in each of these areas?

Social Intelligence Skills

Verbal Fluency and Conversational Skills. Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. explains this well in his article in Psychology Today. “You can easily spot someone with lots of SI at a party or social gathering because he or she knows how to “work the room.” The highly socially intelligent person can carry on conversations with a wide variety of people, and is tactful and appropriate in what is said. Combined, these represent what are called “social expressiveness skills.”

Effective Listening Skills. I obsess about actively listening with intent. I love the reaction I get from audiences when I share the fact that an anagram for the word ‘silent’ is ‘listen’ (also ‘tinsel’, but I digress). We don’t learn from speaking, we learn from listening. Here’s a quick video from The Master Communicator’s Secret Weapon presentation for more on how to improve your listening skills.

We don’t learn from speaking, we learn from listening.

Understanding What Makes Other People Tick. As a speaker and improv performer, I have studied how to read an audience. Noting the facial expressions and body language of the crowd is important in adjusting my performance to leave them satisfied. The same goes for professional settings like sales calls, video meetings, candidate interviews, employee performance meetings, and investor calls. Not only is reading the people important but understanding why they are behaving the way they do is crucial.

Knowledge of Social Roles, Rules, and Scripts. To come off as socially sophisticated and wise, one must understand the difference in the people they interact with. In an office setting or virtual meeting, you come across many different types of people who demand different styles of interaction. Recognizing these differences and adapting your communication style is key to effective communication.

Impression Management Skills. You need to be aware of the impression you are leaving on the people you communicate with. This means mixing a healthy dose of authenticity with self-censorship. Being honest and sincere is paramount in everything we do, but being completely transparent can have serious ramifications in professional relationships.

Role-Playing and Social Self-Efficacy. Knowing how to play different social roles will make you feel comfortable no matter who you are communicating with. When you practice these skills you feel socially self-confident and more effective. This is why role-playing is an important part of the Nice Method, which leads to improved social self-efficacy.

“I got through! I got through!"

Few things were more exciting in the 1980s than calling your favourite radio station and getting through. I wish I could remember why I had called 1050 CHUM in Toronto, but there I was on hold about to speak live on the air.

The host of the morning show was radio broadcasting legend, Tom Rivers. Rivers was like Toronto’s own Johnny Fever from WKRP.

CHUM’s Creative Director, Larry MacInnis described Tom, “At heart, he was a mischievous twelve-year-old boy in the body of a six-foot-ten, four hundred-pound man-child – a heavyweight talent in every sense of the word.”

I suppose we connected well because I was around twelve-years-old at the time.

After saying something on air, Tom graciously invited me down to the station for a tour. I am willing to bet that 99% of Toronto kids were never given the same opportunity.

I begged my mum, who quickly gave in and scheduled our meeting. Together we travelled down to the popular Top-40 station in her denim blue, 1978 AMC Gremlin. The car even had a 1050 CHUM sticker affixed to the rear window like most cars in Toronto back then.

I remember being mesmerized as I watched Tom in action behind the microphone and cart machines. His kindness and talent for broadcasting must have left an impression on me. In 1995, I graduated from Seneca College having studied radio and television broadcasting. Naturally, I majored in radio.

My love for radio led me to an internship on an internationally syndicated blues radio show called Blues North, hosted by the wonderful Big John Small. My career in radio teetered off after several attempts at getting a job at radio stations in Toronto. It was simply too competitive a market, and I didn’t have the professional drive or networking knowledge in me quite yet.

From Radio to Podcasting

My passion for broadcasting led me to begin podcasting in 2005. We nearly had the first parenting podcast, Two Boobs and a Baby. We were the second parenting podcast after Paige and Gretchen’s Mommycast. I have had several podcasts since then, with NBN Radio ADHD Wise Squirrels being my most recent podcasting endeavor. (updated 12/14/23)

I am thankful for how nice a guy Tom Rivers was. I am a firm believer that the kindness we share today can inspire others tomorrow. Just ask my daughter, who now proudly bears those call letters of yesteryear.

You can do this too.

From mentoring to giving a kid a chance, consider how your kindness can help inspire future generations. Blues artist Albert Collins was another legend who did this for me; that story led to me interning for a national blues radio show! Going above and beyond in the smallest of ways may seem simple, but these gestures are like waves that leave ripples in the water for decades.

Image by Katie Holmes from Flickr.

I decided to take a break from social media. For the months of June and July, I refrained from posting anything to the social networks I have belonged to for over a decade. This was my first time taking time off for a digital detox from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

The purpose of my break was partly to unplug from the noise. Please note that our exchanges are never considered noise if you are connected with me on a social network. The other part was to clear my head of my dread and anxiety.

The noise is from the strangers in my feeds pontificating about politics and arguing over whether masks are useful during a pandemic (stop being stupid), the bots configured to create rage, the media companies seeking clicks and views, the stalker-like advertisements that follow me from retargeting even after I’ve made the purchases. You can stop wasting your money Rayban and Rugstudio, I already bought from you.

Let’s not forget how social networks use algorithms to decide who and what we should see in our feeds. I preferred social media when it was social, and we didn’t need this.

What I Did on My Summer Digital Detox

The following are things I noticed being off social media.

More Thinking. In the past, I haven’t paused long enough to consider why I wanted to share something. I’ve thought much more about this since taking a break. I share on social because I like to entertain, inform, and promote my content and content from people I admire.

Saved Time. When I snap a photo, I usually do so with the intention of sharing it on Instagram. Instead of posting it right away, I take the time to use filters and photo editing apps to improve the quality of the shots. I then consider the caption and corresponding hashtags. I would guess it takes me about 15 minutes to post one photo to Instagram. I’ve posted 3,642 images to Instagram since I created my account in 2010. That works out to 37 days, 22 hours 30 minutes.

More Reading. I ended up recouping the time I would have spent on social media. This left me with more free time to read books again. When taking Peggy for a walk, I often flip endlessly through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I replaced this urge by returning to my books within the Kindle app.

No News is Good News. When I wasn’t reading my Kindle app, I (too) often switched to Google News or Apple News and would fall down the rabbit hole. Obviously, staying informed is important. However, too much news is never a good idea. I found the experience better by pondering why I clicked each headline.

Reach Out and Touch Someone. Like the old Bell telephone ads of yesteryear, I realized there was much more value in emailing, texting, video conferencing, or phoning a friend than tagging them in a social media post. One friend released his new book, so I called him to tell him how much I enjoyed it. Another friend exchanged a series of text messages with me about his divorce. One friend and I had so much fun chatting over Zoom for the first time in many years that we scheduled a second call and continued the conversation.

Shutting Down the Phone. The damned phone is a big part of the problem. I appreciate a smartphone for the glorious piece of technology that it is. However, I’m not naive enough to ignore the addictive features built within. I realized I needed to power my phone off to keep from picking it up. I deleted the social apps, switched it to grayscale, and turned off the dopamine-releasing notifications.

Positives of Social Media

I would be remiss not to talk a little about the positives of using social media. While I did delete the social media apps from my phone, I still logged in once a day to check my private messages. My break was not a break from being social; it was a break from social media.

I made the Twitter exception of checking my Nashville Weather list from time to time as dark clouds loomed, especially when I was on the lake.

I received a warm welcome back when I announced that I had returned from my break on August 1. Thank you to those who said hello.

If you missed the news that I had taken a break, I expect the algorithms failed to inform you. It makes sense; why would the platforms want to give you an idea to take your break?

How about you?

Have you ever taken a break from social media? How did it work for you?

A while back, I sent a survey to my email newsletter subscribers. The Nice Makers were kind enough to provide me with feedback to help me shape future editions. One comment I received asked me to share my thoughts on “nice”.

As you know, the newsletter is The Nice Maker. I am the chief connector at Networking For Nice People, this blog is called The ROI of Nice. I’m obsessed with using nice as a way to improve how we communicate with one another.

Pleasant; agreeable; friendly

Look up the definition of nice and you will find words like pleasant; agreeable; friendly.

I write and think a lot about empathy and kindness. I believe this is at the core of effective communication. I consider myself a humanist. Humans are far from perfect, but we learn and pivot from the lessons in life that help us grow wiser together.

I believe in standing up for our rights. I believe in truth and justice (and justice reform). I believe that rather than striving to be angelic followers we should aim to be nice. Nice isn’t perfect. We aren’t always kind and we aren’t always empathetic, but I believe we become nicer when we strive to practice kindness and empathy.

Pleasant

We can be pleasant by simply smiling more. Smiling really is contagious. Sensorimotor stimulation in our brains causes us to mimic what we see without realizing it. When we mimic someone else’s facial expression, we trigger that same emotional state in ourselves, which then allows us to formulate an appropriate social response like returning a smile we receive.

Believe it or not, people can read your smiles even when they are hidden beneath masks. As a photographer, Laura Fuchs who shoots New Yorkers smiling behind their masks says, “I can see your smiles. It’s all in your eyes and cheekbones”.

Agreeable

Being agreeable is the essence of being nice. This is the practice of saying, “Nice, and…” when someone suggests something to you. This practice is always better than rejecting someone with a “Nice, but…”.

Try it next time someone suggests something to you. Spend a full day responding with “Nice, and…” in your reply. More details on this here.

Friendly

Approach the people in your life with an empathetic mind and a “nice, and” attitude. We express friendliness by doing so. My goal is to always make people feel comfortable whether they are in a workshop I’m leading, a meeting, or a casual encounter. The key to coming across this way is to actively listen to the people you meet.

Standing up is also nice

Using courage and facing fears are also traits of being nice - nice to yourself. Standing up for those who need it is nice. Being the person you needed when you were younger is nice. Nice isn’t complacent. Nice isn’t cowardness. Nice is respecting yourself and the good people in your life.

I’m pushing for a nicer world and this begins with me and you. Are you in?