Escaping the Mind Virus

Last night, something hit me while I was out with Peggy. As she sniffed around the yard, taking her sweet ass time to do her business. I habitually pulled out my phone and thought about putting on a podcast to "catch up on the news." I justified it, of course, because I need to stay informed, I told myself. But the thought lingered: why did I really feel that pull?

The Illusion of Staying Informed

We like to believe we're savvy about media—that we can see through the noise, the spin, the clickbait. I've made a career out of studying communication, and yet I still get caught in the loop: the urge to know what's happening right now, to refresh the feed and hear what's next, to receive that rush of dopamine I so desperately lack. It's the same psychological trick that reality television perfected years ago and contributed to the success of our current divider-and-chief.

The endless reality TV show always led to the trainwreck cliffhanger: What happens next? Tune in tomorrow. When I step back, I realize that's exactly how the 24-hour news cycle has wired our brains. It's not just information—it's programming. And I'm not immune. None of us are.

The Reality Show of Real Life

We've been conditioned to consume the world like a never-ending episode. News, politics, social media—they're all crafted to keep us watching, reacting, sharing, and engaging. The characters change, but the drama stays the same. Each day's "story of the day" gives us something new to be angry, anxious, or worried about.

Fox News has mastered this formula, but they're not alone. The other networks do it too by pandering to their base - Fox is just exceptionally good (and evil) at it. Everyone's competing for attention, and outrage is the easiest currency to spend.

Cutting the Feed

In 2020, when the world felt like it was caving in, I decided to take a 30-day break from news and social media. The effect was immediate. My anxiety dropped. My sleep improved. I realized how little most headlines actually affected my day-to-day life.

It's not that awareness doesn't matter—it does. But there's a limit. If you're not taking action on the information you're consuming, it's just noise. There's a fine line between being informed and being infected.

Action comes down to a FEW OPTIONS…

Talk MINUS Action EQUALS ZERO: Talk-Action=0

Talk-Action=0

• Find a non-profit in your community and volunteer.

• Financially support a politician and/or cause that aligns with your beliefs.

• Call your elected officials to share your concerns.

• Register to vote and participate in all elections, big and small.

• Boycott companies that contradict your beliefs.

• Peacefully protest, find the others, and meet in person.

The original "Mind Virus" left no one winning, especially Charlie Sheen

Speaking of train wrecks, I watched the Charlie Sheen documentary on Netflix and was reminded of how annoying his antics were on the internet back in 2011, when social media was still in its infancy and social networking occurred with actual humans.

In case you're wondering, current data indicates that roughly half of all social media profiles may be bots or "bot-like," including automated bots, AI-driven accounts, and coordinated human-run fake accounts.

Back in 2011, you couldn't escape Charlie Sheen's meltdown because it dominated the web, with memes, hashtags, and clips all feeding on the spectacle. I was so sick of seeing it that I was delighted to discover and use Greg Leuch’s clever Tinted Sheen browser extension, which solved the problem. The extension was created to block Sheen’s name from search and social media results. I wanted to reclaim my own attention, to clean up the digital clutter for the sake of my own sanity.

Looking back, that was before "mute" buttons, before blocking keywords on Twitter (or X), before social platforms were driven by algorithmic addiction. Even then, I sensed how toxic constant exposure could be, and today, things online are way worse.

Now, the virus has evolved. It's no longer one celebrity or scandal—it's everything: politics, outrage, misinformation, and disinformation. The feed has become a living organism, feeding on our attention.

How to Reclaim Our Minds & Stop the Mind Virus

We've passed the point where browser extensions can save us. You can't block enough keywords to restore your peace. The only real solution is to unplug—step outside, meet people, talk face-to-face.

The antidote isn't another app or productivity hack. Its presence. It's laughter with friends. It's silence and mindfulness. It's the reminder that most of what we scroll through is engineered distraction, not enlightenment.

If we want peace of mind, we must reclaim the pieces we've given away. While you may have heard that time is our most precious commodity, that's not entirely accurate - it's our attention. What good is time if we are wasting it paying attention to garbage?

Each headline, each argument, each dopamine hit—it all fragments us. Reassembling that peace starts with acknowledging the infection: the mind virus that keeps us endlessly tuned in, scrolling, clicking, feeling enraged, lacking trust in our neighbors, and emotionally drained.

It's time to log off, look up, and reconnect with the humans in your life, because it may shock you to discover that we aren't that different; it's just the powers that be who want us to believe it so they can get rich by dividing us, and that’s not winning after all.

It's lazy and sad.

I use #AI in many ways; it's crucial to learn and understand new technologies, especially new artificial intelligence agents, and to stay up-to-date on evolving ways to use such agents, whether through prompts or APIs.

What's lazy is using AI to write FOR you, replacing YOU from the writing altogether. Imagine a future of LinkedIn being filled with AI-written articles and AI-written comments. What's the point at that point?

I still believe in the power of human-to-human connection. Using AI to help is smart, but using it to replace us is sad. No more original thinking. No more genuine connection.

Naive or Dishonest

If you're using AI to auto-comment, reply, or send messages that pretend to be you, it's naive because you don't understand the implications. You haven't thought clearly about why you want to leave comments on hundreds of posts. If you do know what you're doing, it's dishonest because you are using this method to fool people (actual humans) into thinking that you read and enjoyed what they published - and we notice this.

Stripping yourself from otherwise genuine human interactions online removes the social from social networking, leaving the networking to bots, and then why even log in to LinkedIn anymore?

What do you think? Will AI ruin the social web in the hands of humans? Discuss here.

Recently, I sat down with Jeremy C. Park on cityCurrent to discuss the messy, meaningful, and often hilarious journey I've taken as a communication strategist, keynote speaker, and host of the ADHD Wise Squirrels podcast. We covered everything from networking tips to mindfulness, with some improv and salmon recipes sprinkled in for good measure.

Here are a few things we explored in the episode—and why they matter so much to me.

Improv Is My Secret Weapon

If you've ever taken an improv class, you probably remember two things: 1) how terrifying it was to not know what would happen next, and 2) how liberating it was when you let go and just listened and accepted.

That's what hooked me.

In my workshops and keynotes, I draw on core improv principles, such as active listening, overcoming the fear of failure, and leading with acceptance. These aren't performance tricks. They're human connection tools. And in an age of endless meetings and endless distractions, being truly present is rarer and more valuable than ever.

I joke that I don't always lead with the improv angle because some folks hear "improv" and assume they'll be forced on stage. Or worse, they're haunted by a bad comedy show. But when they experience the application of these tools and see how they improve team communication, leadership, and empathy, it clicks.

Networking Doesn't Have to Be Gross

I'm the author of New Business Networking, and networking should be based on humanness, not hustle. During the interview, Jeremy and I talked about my three "Ups" of networking that I teach:

• Show up.

• Follow up.

• Catch up.

Sounds simple, but most people forget at least one—especially the last.

We also discussed business card etiquette, which I'm passionate about even in a digital-first world. I always recommend writing something memorable on the card as soon as the conversation ends. Maybe it's a salmon recipe (yes, that actually came up in the episode). Maybe it's a personal anecdote. The point is to create a reminder of a genuine human moment, not just a LinkedIn connection request.

ADHD Isn't a Quirk—It's a Reality

This part of the conversation got personal. I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, and it was both a revelation and a relief. Suddenly, many things fell into place. That's what inspired me to start the ADHD Wise Squirrels podcast and encourage people to take a free ADHD assessment on my site.

ADHD isn't just a quirky personality trait; it's a legitimate neurological type that often goes undiagnosed, especially in adults. It's also heritable, and when untreated, it can affect everything from relationships to life expectancy.

We need more honesty and fewer platitudes. ADHD is not "just being distracted." And no, "everyone is not a little ADHD." (To quote myself: "That's like saying everyone's a little pregnant.”)

Meditation, Tornadoes, and Joseph Goldstein

Like many of us, I started meditating during the chaos of 2020. Between the pandemic and a literal tornado hitting Nashville and disrupting our lives (school destroyed, house damaged), I needed grounding.

I was inspired by Joseph Goldstein—an 82-year-old meditation teacher who has spent over 10 years in silent retreat. His gentle voice and no-BS approach helped me build a daily practice that I still maintain today. Meditation, alongside medication and therapy, has become one of my most effective tools for managing ADHD. And no, I haven't done 10 years in silence. I talk for a living. But even 10 minutes of silence can change your day, just ask my wife! :)

Feel Seen, Heard, and Understood

At the heart of all this improv, communication, ADHD, mindfulness, and networking is a single through-line: belonging. Whether I'm coaching an individual, speaking to a crowd, or recording a podcast, my goal is to help people feel more seen, heard, and understood.

Because the opposite of connection isn't just loneliness, it's burnout. And I feel this way, too. Check out the full conversation with Jeremy on the City Current Show. And if you're navigating ADHD, leadership, or simply want to learn how to communicate more effectively and show up more fully, I'd love to connect. Now might be the perfect timing.

In Julia Cameron’s essential book for creatives, The Artist's Way, she introduces the concept of the "Artist Date" as a key tool for nurturing creativity. Personally, I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, especially working alone from home, where my office is located. With little travel and limited socializing, I’ve been feeling lonely and stuck.

When I go for local hikes in parks, I shoot for around five miles to clear my head, problem-solve, burn calories, and enjoy the fresh air. I love doing this, and with ADHD, exercise is even more important to help us clear the cobwebs.

Feeling in a rut lately, I had been kicking around the idea of a hike, but decided instead to surround myself with people again, so I did something for the first time ever: I took a mental health day off, something Cameron calls an Artist Date.

Key Principles of the Artist Date:

1. Solo Activity: The Artist Date is meant to be done alone. This is important because it allows you to reconnect with your inner artist without distractions or the influence of others.

2. Fun and Playful: The activity should be something that feels like fun rather than work. It’s about indulging your curiosity and sense of wonder, whether that's through visiting a museum, browsing a bookstore, watching a movie in a theatre, or even engaging in a playful, hands-on activity like painting or crafting.

3. Inspiration: The purpose of the Artist Date is to inspire you. It’s about filling the creative well with new experiences, sights, sounds, and sensations that can later fuel your artistic work.

4. Non-Productivity Focused: The Artist Date is not about producing something or achieving a goal. It’s purely about the experience and enjoyment of the activity, which can indirectly stimulate creative ideas and energy.

Rather than spending time as I do each day, dwelling on business development ideas or stewing in self-doubt, which hits entrepreneurs like a ton of bricks, I loosely planned my six-mile route around downtown Nashville. It had been ages since I walked the streets of the city I've called home since 2007.

I might have appeared a tad too excited in this photo. :)

I parked my car in the affluent Gulch neighborhood and enjoyed a fancy coffee at a fancy cafe, observing fancy people talking about fancy things. I walked to a former industrial building turned office and retail space, and wandered inside, something I hadn’t done since having clients there years ago. I was happy to see a favorite sushi restaurant still in business and saddened to remember that a classic used bookshop was no longer there. I enjoyed another coffee and wrote in my journal in the gorgeous lobby of the former Union (train) Station (turned) Hotel. It reminded me of meeting Billy Bragg & Joe Henry there once as they performed classic train-inspired songs. I also delivered presentations and workshops there on several occasions for private events.

I walked a short distance from Union Station to the Frist Art Museum. I enjoyed the Lee Alexander McQueen & Ann Ray: Rendez-Vous exhibit, a world of fashion I know nothing about, and ¡Printing the Revolution! The Rise and Impact of Chicano Graphics, 1965 to Now. Both left an impression on me about creative ideas I’ve had but never acted upon, like printmaking and photography. I also enjoyed a quick observation of the renovated children’s area. I quickly recalled many visits with my kids for hands-on printmaking, painting, and stop-motion videos so many years ago.

After the Frist, I walked through the heat up Broadway through Vanderbilt University’s pretty grounds and to Hillsboro Village. I settled in the welcomed air conditioning at Fido, a favorite local coffee shop I hadn’t been to in years. I used to frequent Fido daily for coffee and food when I worked just up the road when I first moved to Nashville in 2007. It seems like a lifetime ago. I sat at the window barstool table, ate a breakfast burrito, and watched the world pass by. I commented on Facebook how I have lived in Nashville long enough to miss the old Nashville; if you know, you know.

Once fully dried off from my sweaty hike to Fido, I walked back down to the Gulch along the shady Music Row streets, where country music dreams are created and crushed. I popped my head into a few other spots along the way but decided it was time to get back to the car, crank on the AC, and dry off again for a second time that day. August in the South is HOT!

My Artist Date day spent walking six miles, visiting old favorites, seeing new things, and taking breaks for journaling, reading, rumination, and coffee—so many coffees—was exactly what I needed. It was a day of not thinking about my business, not feeling worried about the future, not dwelling on the past, but just being present in each moment of re-discovering Music City, aka - home.

This post was first published in my Nice Maker Newsletter on August 11, 2024.

Also read: It’s okay to be lonely.

If you were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult (like me), you know it can feel like being handed a map in a language you don’t quite understand, after years of hiking the wrong trail.

That’s precisely why podcasts can be so powerful.

They offer real stories, expert advice, and brain-friendly tips you can absorb while walking the dog, washing dishes, or simply giving your overwhelmed brain a break.

As someone diagnosed with ADHD at 50, I host a show called ADHD Wise Squirrels, focused on helping late-diagnosed adults feel less alone—and more equipped. Below, I’ve rounded up my favorite podcasts that actually "get it."

These aren’t just for background noise. They’re packed with insight, validation, humor, and hope, and listed randomly because, like children, I could never pick a favorite!

🎧 Best ADHD Podcasts for Adults Diagnosed Later in Life

1. I Have ADHD Podcast – Kristen Carder
Practical, punchy, and relatable. Kristen, a certified ADHD coach, helps you navigate productivity, self-worth, emotional regulation, and more—with no shame and lots of realness.

2. Women & ADHD – Katy Weber
Katy interviews late-diagnosed women from all over the world. Her conversations are raw, powerful, and wildly validating. Even if you’re not a woman, you’ll relate to the themes of masking, burnout, and rediscovery.

3. ADHD Wise Squirrels – Dave Delaney
Yep—that’s me! Diagnosed at 50, I started this podcast to give fellow “Wise Squirrels” (aka late-diagnosed adults) a place to land. I interview ADHD experts, share honest stories, and offer tools to improve executive function, self-acceptance, and productivity—without toxic positivity and ADHD misinformation.
🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

4. ADHD Friendly Lifestyle – Moira Maybin
Moira is a teacher, coach, and late-diagnosed adult who brings her warmth and wisdom to every episode. She unpacks how to live more compassionately with ADHD—especially as a woman juggling multiple roles.

5. Hacking Your ADHD – William Curb
Short, actionable episodes designed for distracted minds. Will breaks down topics like overwhelm, focus, and productivity into digestible episodes that feel like a quick win.

6. The ADHD Adults Podcast – Dr. James Brown, Alex Conner & Neurodivergent Matt
British humor, science-backed info, and personal experiences collide in this ADHD podcast from the UK. It’s equal parts informative and laugh-out-loud funny.

7. ADHD Experts Podcast – ADDitude Magazine
Recordings of top experts answering real-world ADHD questions. You’ll hear names like Dr. Ned Hallowell and Dr. Russell Barkley, making it a great reference for evidence-based advice.

8. Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast – Nikki Kinzer & Pete Wright
Focused on systems, productivity, and time management, this long-running show is great if you want to learn how to do things differently with ADHD instead of just knowing about it.

9. ADHD reWired – Eric Tivers
Group coaching, deep dives, and honest conversations. Eric’s show is one of the longest-running ADHD podcasts out there—and for good reason.

10. ADHD Powerful Possibilities – Laurie Dupar
A newer show focused on embracing late-diagnosis as a jumping-off point for transformation. Great for building confidence and disrupting toxic productivity myths.

11. Translating ADHD – Asher Collins & Dusty Chipura
Two ADHD coaches help decode how ADHD brains actually work. Deeply validating and brain-based, it’s ideal if you want to better understand your executive function profile.

💡 Which ADHD Podcast Should You Start With?

There’s no one-size-fits-all brain. Some shows are more clinical, others more conversational. But they all share one goal: helping you better understand yourself.

Try a few. See what resonates. Follow the ones that make you feel more understood.

And if you’re craving a community of like-minded ADHD adults, check out ADHD Wise Squirrels. We’ve got articles, a free ADHD test, and other tools, expert interviews, and plenty of squirrelly wisdom for figuring this out together.

I said something during an interview recently that's been echoing in my head around coffee chats and mindful reflections on my life. It's this: There's power in proximity. And the future belongs to those who embrace that power.

Let me explain.

Until cyborgs become indistinguishable from humans (and let's all hope that day never arrives), nothing will replace the impact of sitting across from someone, shaking their hand, or sharing a laugh in real-time. That's how we know someone is real. It's tangible. It's human.

For all the wonder that the internet brought us—and I was there in the early days, podcasting, blogging, and tweeting before algorithms took over—the digital world was once a liberating tool for finding our people, as Douglas Rushkoff calls "the others." It was a lifeline.

If you were, say, a gay person in a rural town facing isolation or discrimination, the internet could be your safe harbor. Forums, BBS boards, and social networks created authentic connections that could spill over offline and into real life, where you could find yourself by connecting with others.

The magic wasn't just in the message. It was in the meeting.

I used to organize tweetups when I traveled. I'd post on Twitter, gather strangers at a pub or café, and we'd become friends. It was magic. I wrote about it in New Business Networking—how relationships became real when sealed with a handshake, a hug, and a high five. The magic wasn't just in the message. It was in the meeting.

Back then, Twitter was more campfire than dumpster fire. There were no algorithms, just people talking and sharing. You could form friendships and build communities. And then you'd meet those people at conferences, unconferences, even casual breakfast or cocktail events. My events, like Geek Breakfast and Nashcocktail, didn't need to monetize everything. I had a day job, benefits, and security. I did it because bringing people together lit me up — and still does.

But slowly, the platforms changed. The algorithms came. The investors needed returns, and the companies needed funds to improve stability. I'd prefer seeing fail whales and kittens with screwdrivers again instead of the hot mess Twitter has become. Call me old school, but Twitter will never be X (with the exception of an ex-social network), just as T.O. will never be The Six when describing Toronto, and Lower Broad will never be Honkeytonk Highway in Nashville (seriously, I've heard people say this lately).

As the power of proximity started slipping through our fingers, social media companies fooled us into thinking things were still okay online—they are not. Even defining the word "friend" became challenging, given how Facebook redefined it.

Meanwhile, the loneliness epidemic grew. With more screens, fewer eyes met across rooms: more scrolling, less serendipity. The places we once gathered — pubs, cafés, even offices — began to fade. I had a conversation with Professor Robin Dunbar, the evolutionary psychologist famous for Dunbar's Number (how many people we can maintain genuine relationships with), and he noted that pubs across the UK and Ireland are closing at an alarming rate. That matters. Pubs aren't just about pints. They are about presence—meeting and conversing with people from different walks of life.

This young couple met and got to know one another in pubs. They turned out okay. :)

Strangely enough, McDonald's has stepped into this role. In rural areas, elderly folks without access to country clubs or community centers now meet at the almighty golden arches. They sit in the corners with coffee and tiny burgers—not for the food, but for the company (well, maybe the fries and shakes). And you know what? Learning this made me rethink such junk food chains. Who knew they could contribute to our health in such a positive way, because widespread loneliness in the US poses health risks as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Real-life connection matters!

Smartphones are the new cigarettes.

Here's what I believe now: Smartphones are the new cigarettes. In twenty years, we'll look at pictures of ourselves — and especially our kids — buried in screens and wonder, What were we thinking? Just like parents used to smoke at the dinner table and in the car, we've handed them distraction machines and called it normal. But it's not.

This isn't a rant against technology. I love tech. I've been podcasting for twenty years. I've built a career on communication strategy. But I also believe that eye contact, presence, and physical closeness matter more than ever. In the early days of podcasting, meeting listeners in person was surreal — they'd ask about my kid's diaper rash, and I'd be momentarily thrown until I remembered: Oh, right. You actually know me and listen to our parenting podcast. That's the kind of bond podcasts used to build. We lose this when people start podcasts to get-rich-quick (they never do). These days, I'm proud of how Wise Squirrels listeners are coming together, and we are beginning to build a real community (more on that soon if you're following the show).

Algorithms prioritize outrage.

And social media today? It's not the same. The magic is rare. Algorithms prioritize outrage. Bots and deepfakes blur the line between real people and real good. I wouldn't start a relationship on social networks today — not because I'm antisocial, but because I don't know if the person messaging me is even a human when AI can fool even the savviest, and this is only going to get worse with no legislation and oversight.

This all might sound nostalgic — and maybe it is — but I don't think it's naïve. I think it's urgent.

We want to connect. We need to gather. And if we're not intentional about creating spaces for proximity—meetups, community events, retreats, shared workspaces, neighborhood pubs without TVs — we're going to forget how. The power is in proximity.

So what's next?

❤️ I want to be part of that solution.

I want to connect with organizations that educate parents, educators, and young people about the dangers of addictive technology, misinformation, disinformation, and artificial intelligence.

I believe we can do better. And I want to be part of that solution.

Over the years, I've discovered that my real strengths — my superpowers — are connection, communication, and authenticity. I have a knack for helping people feel seen, heard, and understood, especially those who often feel overlooked. I think fast, feel deeply, and use humor, empathy, and my communication skills to open up space for honest, human conversation. Whether at an event, on stage, in a coaching session, or just sharing a coffee or pint (non-alcoholic, please), I help people find clarity, confidence, community, and a stronger sense of themselves. I have also been known to become hyper-focused on causes I care deeply about and to become an outspoken advocate.

Where you come in...

Tell me, who should I know? What organizations, companies, or communities are leading the charge to reconnect us, in person and with purpose?

I appreciate you, and I look forward to hearing from you with your suggestions and connections. Thanks for reading until the end, I guess our attention spans aren't entirely shot - yet. 😉

I was recently repulsed by a trailer for a movie called Am I Racist? that pokes fun at DEI and related topics. I consider myself liberal and left-of-center with friends from every political persuasion, but the film trailer made the movie seem flat-out mean, making fun of people who are trying to do right or at least think they are. Then I noticed the film is from The Daily Wire and even includes locations in Nashville, which is unfortunate because once you get past the redneck cliches, drunken tourists, and mobile hot tubs, Nashville is a very diverse, warm, welcoming, and accepting city that is, unfortunately, attracting the wrong types of people like idiotic Nazis and the like, but I digress…

Later last night, I fell into a seemingly endless swiping session on YouTube Shorts, or maybe it was Instagram Reels; it doesn’t matter. I came across a funny clip of interviews with MAGA types saying ridiculous things. I noted the clips were from The Daily Show, a show I used to watch frequently, and suddenly, it hit me like a ton of clicks.

We are all just being played against one another so that other people can get rich from our rage, pride, fear, and ignorance. Such content increases views, shares, followers, comments, and TOS (time on site). The sites and profiles with the most of these make the most money from advertisers. It makes sense when you think about it, but the business model is unfortunate. This greed and competitiveness are why podcast hosts I used to enjoy end up platforming bad people with bad ideas, and I unsubscribe.

Yes, there are elements of ridiculousness in far left-leaning ideologies, just as there are on the right. And yes, I love humor and parody like the next guy. However, programs and movies such as these are designed for specific audiences, and when they include highly edited TikTok-worthy clips, we miss the context and the whole story from such man-in-the-street-type interviews. And when it’s all said and done, this is entertainment from companies who care more about the dollars they earn than the division they fuel.

It’s good to laugh at ourselves, but it’s unfair to use these pawns as scapegoats for our own pompous bullying entertainment. Of course, it’s great to make fun of those who purportrade such bad ideas, misinformation, disinformation, and hatred. I’m all for that to a point, but this has become a significant problem as social networks and news networks’ algorithms are tweaked to get our attention as we sit in siloed echo chambers online.

Turning the other cheek.

If you want to talk about religion, you’ll have to buy me a (non-alcoholic) beer. Still, I’ll share that I was raised Catholic and have read the idea of "turning the other cheek” in most other popular religious texts, like Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Jainism, and Taoism. Each of these traditions promotes non-retaliation, forgiveness, and responding to harm with compassion or restraint. For the purpose of my idea and upbringing, let’s stick with turning the other cheek for a moment.

The idea is simple: it’s time for everyone to turn to the other channel and note its similarities. Spend a day or so watching and listening to news networks, YouTubers, and podcasters from the other side of your political preference. You’ll see familiar formats like attractive talking heads, fancy newsrooms with interactive touchscreens, stale sitcoms, and comedy shows you are used to in your preferred content. They may even have the same advertisers.

Turn your addictive device off and turn to your neighbors.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Upon accepting that we are all being played, turn your addictive device off and turn to your neighbors, who, as it turns out, are much more similar to you than you think. Abraham Maslow figured this out over eighty years ago.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is still the United States. Or did I misread that, as I received my US citizenship around this time last year? And not so fast, Canada, the UK, Ireland, and everywhere else. This is happening where you are, too.

Yes, you will find the media that suits your personality and beliefs; these technologies are designed to ensure this. Enjoy the talking points, heated debates, and hilarious monologues. Just be sure to hit pause and question what and why you’re seeing or hearing what you’re seeing and hearing.

Just as I’ve explained to my kids ad nauseam, when you see something online or in the news that makes you feel angry, sad, fearful, or frustrated, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and question the source of that item and consider what’s in it for them. It’s usually money, power, or a combination of both. It’s okay to be entertained and laugh at what you view, but remain mindful and diligent in seeing through this facade, remembering that most of this is just entertainment and it’s a business that, sadly, too often, is dividing us rather than uniting us.

Keep reading about social media and addictive tech.

This article first appeared on my Substack. Don’t miss future posts and the extras you’re likely missing.

Listeners to my podcast, ADHD Wise Squirrels, will already be familiar with the executive coach and author, Rob Hatch.

I loved his latest book, Success Frames: Why learning from success is the key to understanding what motivates and inspires us.

In "Success Frames," Hatch delves into the intricacies of building a framework for success by learning from both achievements and failures. The book highlights the importance of reflecting on one's experiences, emphasizing that true learning stems from analyzing both triumphs and mistakes.

Learning from Experience

Hatch underscores the value of reflection in the learning process, citing John Dewey's assertion that "adults don’t learn from doing. They learn by reflecting on what they have done." This reflection is crucial in understanding why things go right and how to replicate those successes. Hatch shares that while failures can illuminate gaps in knowledge or execution, they must be balanced with an understanding of what successful efforts look like.

Defining Success

Success is a subjective term, and Hatch emphasizes the importance of personalizing its definition. His research identified education, relationships, and character as the top three components of their success. Hatch encourages readers to define what success means to them, incorporating elements like financial freedom and personal growth into their definitions.

Building a Success Framework

A significant part of Hatch's approach involves creating frameworks based on successful experiences. These frameworks, which he calls "Success Frames," help individuals and organizations replicate positive outcomes. The beauty of these frameworks lies in their flexibility—they allow for customization based on the specific needs and goals of the people using them.

Hatch introduces various strategies to build these frameworks:

• ActionStacks: These are step-by-step checklists that guide the completion of recurring tasks. By pre-defining the steps, ActionStacks help automate processes and reduce decision fatigue.

• OODA Loop: This decision-making model involves observing, orienting, deciding, and acting. It’s a cyclical process that encourages continuous improvement and adaptation.

Leveraging Strengths

Hatch advocates for a strengths-based approach, echoing findings from Gallup that focusing on strengths significantly boosts engagement and performance. By leveraging what people do well, individuals and teams can achieve higher levels of success and satisfaction.

Practical Application

Throughout "Success Frames," Hatch provides practical advice on implementing these principles. He discusses the importance of planning ahead, reducing reliance on willpower, and creating environments conducive to success. For instance, Hatch recommends scheduling specific "success blocks" of time dedicated to critical projects, free from interruptions.

Learning from Others

Hatch also highlights the value of learning from others' successes. By identifying and connecting with individuals who have achieved what one aspires to, people can gain valuable insights and guidance. This network of successful individuals can provide support, advice, and inspiration.

Emotional and Mental Well-being

Understanding and managing emotions is another critical aspect of Hatch's framework. He points out that focusing on what’s going well can help counterbalance the natural tendency to dwell on problems. This positive focus can enhance resilience and motivation, making it easier to overcome challenges. Hatch shares his own experiences with his late diagnosis of ADHD and how considering his coping mechanisms can be impactful.

You can listen to my full interview with Hatch by clicking the play button below or visiting Wise Squirrels.

Rob Hatch's "Success Frames" offers a comprehensive guide to achieving personal and professional success. By reflecting on experiences, defining success on one's own terms, building adaptable frameworks, leveraging strengths, and learning from others, readers can create robust paths to their goals. The book serves as both a practical manual and an inspirational resource, encouraging individuals to take control of their success journeys and that’s exactly what I plan to do after reading it!

ADHD is pretty interesting; an idea pops into my head that gets me excited, and I spend the day working on that project. Hyperfocus FTW!

However, I don’t always plan well or think strategically. Even strategically, it sounds like scheming in some greedy capitalist way. Rest assured, it’s not in this case, but I will happily earn as much money as possible. It’s kind of important with college tuition (times two) and retirement and such.

As you read in my previous post, I have rebooted the Nice Maker to focus on hosting special events where we can meet up in person once again. However, the Nice Maker has always been much more.

And so, without dwelling on the topic here. I invite you to sign up below to get the full picture of where I intend to take the Nice Maker, and I invite you to join in because it will be awesome.

It's lovely hearing from you both online and in person. I had a few recent encounters with folks I didn't realize were subscribers who asked about the return of the Nice Maker newsletter. I've been mulling over this thought for a while, and it's led me in a new/old direction. My decision will be essential for Nashville-area readers, but don't let that scare you off because I have plans for you, too. 

It's no secret how much I love connecting with people; I wrote a book about the topic. New Business Networking came because I spoke to a stranger at Jason's conference, and she became my publisher!

When I reflect on the sixteen years I've lived in Nashville, I think fondly of the memories of the people I've met from the events I've either organized or helped organize.

I co-founded BarCamp Nashville and PodCamp Nashville with Marcus Whitney, whom I worked with at Emma - my first job in Nashville. BarCamp planning led to meeting Mark Rowan, whom I worked for at Griffin, my second job in Nashville. Stasia Kudrez spoke at BarCamp, and that connection led to five years of speaking for Google. I founded Geek Breakfast to unite people between the events. I created Nashcocktail to connect the late risers who couldn't make breakfast. These two monthly networking events led to countless relationships with many wonderful people and rewarding opportunities for participants. 

I love you people! 

Nice people from Nashcocktail.

The truth is that 2023 has been a hell of a year for me professionally. I'm hearing similar feedback from many friends. Post-pandemic loneliness has been taking its toll on both our mental and physical health. Greedy algorithms and dodgy bots have hijacked our favorite social networking sites. Many of us work alone from our homes, talking more with ChatGPT than our friends, even when our loving families surround us.

The thing I crave most is human-to-human connection. The handshakes, high-fives, and hugs bring us together, and virtual reality hasn't replaced this and (hopefully) never will. I have a pretty decent track record of being this instigator, a misfit who loves getting nice people together. 

This is where you come in.

I've decided to start hosting events again. Most of these will be free, with some exceptions. One thing I've spun my wheels on is deciding whether I should start another breakfast thing, unconference, cocktail hour, a hiking group, a movie, or a comedy outing... and then I thought, screw it, why don't I do all of the above? Wouldn't this be a nice idea? 

And like the good old days of tweetups and meetups, why don't I organize similar events when traveling? Great things can happen at such get-togethers; just ask Merlene and Randy. 

And with this, I bring you the new and improved Nice Maker Substack newsletter. My goal is to communicate with you about upcoming events I'm hosting or attending. Sometimes, I will give you weeks' notice of an event; other times, I will invite you to join us for a hike in a few hours or a coffee that afternoon.

Of course, you don't have to commit to all the events I invite you to, but it is always nice to have you come along. I want to unite people again, and I hope you will join me.

NEXT STEPS…

Nice Makers, you are just three steps away from connection, collaboration, opportunities, friendships, and more... 

1. Subscribe to the newsletter and watch for each email.  

2. RSVP for an event. 

3. Show up for the event. Don't cancel at the last minute. 

I wish you a happy, healthy, and wealthy 2024! I hope to see you around.

In a world that often prioritizes speed, productivity, and conformity, it's easy to feel disconnected from our true selves. We often rush through life, barely pausing to reflect on who we are, what we value, and what brings us joy. This reality impacts everyone, regardless of their operating system. The Root Down process will help us better understand ourselves, respect our unique qualities, and forge deeper connections with others.

Understanding the Root Down Process

The Root Down process is a concept inspired by the experiences of individuals with ADHD, who often struggle to fit into a neurotypical world. My method encourages self-discovery, self-respect, and improved connections with others.

Here’s how it works.

Know Yourself - Understanding oneself is the foundation of personal growth and well-being. Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, interests, and values clarifies decision-making and helps you navigate life more effectively. For individuals with ADHD, this self-awareness is often heightened due to the daily challenges we face. However, anyone can benefit from taking time to explore their inner landscape.

When you know yourself, you can make choices that align with your true nature. This reduces inner conflict, boosts self-confidence, and increases overall life satisfaction.

Respect Yourself - Self-respect is the cornerstone of mental and emotional health. It means accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all. The ADHD community often faces stigmatization and misunderstanding, making self-acceptance challenging. Nonetheless, it's a vital step in the Root Down process.

Respecting yourself fosters self-esteem, resilience, and a sense of empowerment. It allows you to set healthy boundaries, say no when necessary, and prioritize your well-being.

Connecting Yourself - Humans are inherently social beings. Building meaningful connections with others is essential for emotional health and personal growth. However, these connections must be based on authenticity, not masks. We must seek out like-minded individuals who understand our unique challenges.

Authentic connections provide emotional support, reduce feelings of isolation, and enrich your life with diverse perspectives and experiences.

The Root Down will transform your workplace team or conference audience. Learn more and say hello here.

I have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD); it's official. If you know me well, you'll smile knowingly as you sit back and think, oh, okay, that makes so much sense! 

I recently read, “People living with ADHD may have a variety of skills and abilities beyond those of their neurotypical counterparts. These may include hyperfocus, resilience, creativity, conversational skills, spontaneity, and abundant energy.” Does this sound like me? I’m a wise squirrel!

Heather had already assumed I had ADHD and repeatedly mentioned it to me over the years. She's a school teacher who has worked with hundreds (maybe thousands) of children of all types and knows the signs. Sidenote: Always listen to your spouse. ;)

Reflecting on my ADHD symptoms made me quite certain, and my doctor recently confirmed it. 

Do any of these ADHD symptoms sound familiar? 

• Distractible

• Impulsive

• Hyperactive

• Restless

• Disorganized

• Inattentive

• Impatient

• Fidgety

• Forgetful

• Careless

Reading my old report cards.

My mum kept my old report cards from elementary to high school. They have sat at the bottom of a cardboard box in a closet for over a decade. After my recent diagnosis, I retrieved them, and Heather and I laughed as we read the teachers' feedback because it all makes sense now. 

• Distractible - David is very creative but needs to focus on his lessons. He is often distracted by seemingly silly things. 

• Impulsive - David is a natural leader, but he makes poor choices. He could set a better example to others.

• Hyperactive - David needs to sit still in class and stop trying to make everyone laugh all of the time.

• Restless - David seems bored and often daydreams. His "funny" outbursts are very distracting to others.

• Disorganized - David needs to come to school better prepared and with his homework complete.

• Inattentive - David needs to focus on his teachers and their curriculum.

• Impatient - David seems to only focus on the topics he is interested in and often grows frustrated. 

• Fidgety - David should work on keeping his arms and legs still to avoid distracting his classmates.

• Forgetful - David needs to be reminded to do his homework constantly. He often forgets important details. 

• Careless - David shows great promise but doesn't seem to care about his grades or even showing up to class.

Finding the others.

I've unknowingly worked on each common ADHD trait throughout my career, and while I still suffer from these, I excel in other areas. I've learned to cope by being anal about managing my time and always being punctual, sending myself constant reminders, creating to-do lists, writing Post-It notes, journaling, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and using apps to lock myself out of distracting social media and news sites. 

I have honed my communication, networking, public speaking, workshop facilitating, and content marketing skills to build a sustainable business and serve my happy clients. Heck, even Google trusted me to represent them. I'm like a squirrel, distracted constantly, but I'm wise from my years of knowledge and practice.

As Douglas Ruskoff often says in his Team Human book and podcast, "Find the others." I'm working on a new podcast to share our stories, tools, and tips. Stay tuned for more on that. 

If you're a late-diagnosed adult with ADHD, I would love to hear from you. Email me. Naturally, I would also love to hear from you, whether you are neurotypical, have ADHD, have known it since childhood, or are a medical professional specializing in ADHD. Reach out to me.

The journey begins...

I'm at the start of a journey I've been on all my life. It's exciting to embark on this journey with the tools, knowledge, and relationships that I will need. I hope you find what I share helpful and consider how ADHD might affect the people in your life.

If you’d like to learn more, visit Wise Squirrels.

I have also developed a new keynote presentation about ADHD for neurotypical and neurodiverse audiences alike. I know The Root Down will change lives for the better.

PS: If you know anyone at TED, please tell them I am finally ready. The Root Down is the TED talk that’s been stewing inside me all my life. Let’s do this!

Let's talk about something important today - defining our values. I firmly believe that understanding our values is the key to living a fulfilling life and becoming effective leaders.

Now, I know that defining your values can be tough. It's not always easy to put into words what really matters to you. But don't worry; I've got some prompts to help you out.

First off, ask yourself: what really lights me up? What brings me joy and fulfillment in life? Is it spending time with loved ones, pursuing your passions, or making a difference in the world? Think about what motivates you and drives you to take action.

Next, consider your non-negotiables. What are the things that you absolutely refuse to compromise on, no matter what? Maybe it's integrity, honesty, or authenticity. These values are the foundation of who you are and what you stand for.

It's also important to think about your legacy. What do you want to be remembered for? What impact do you want to have on the world? This can help you uncover values related to leadership, social justice, or environmentalism. Consider your legacy.

“Personal value is the kind of value we receive from being active instead of passive, creative instead of consumptive. ”

— Clay Shirky.

And finally, reflect on the people you admire. What qualities do they possess that you aspire to? Is it kindness, generosity, or courage? These values can give you insight into what matters most to you.

I know this process isn't easy. But remember, defining your values is an ongoing journey. Your values may shift and change over time, and that's okay. The important thing is to stay true to what matters most to you and to live in alignment with your values every day.

I believe that your true personal value comes from the impact you have on others and the world, not from what you have or achieve. Defining your personal values is an essential step towards building a fulfilling life and achieving personal growth.

As social beings, we all crave human connection and interaction. We thrive on forming relationships and building bonds with others. However, sometimes we find ourselves on the opposite end of the spectrum, feeling lonely and disconnected from those around us. Even surrounded by people who love us, loneliness can rear its ugly head.

Recent studies have highlighted the detrimental effects of loneliness on our physical and mental health, with some even calling it the modern killer disease. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, collated data from seventy studies and found that social isolation, living alone, and feeling lonely increased the chances of dying by about 30 percent. Not good.

On the other hand, spending time with friends can positively impact our health and well-being. It's not just about having a large number of friends but rather the sense of relaxedness that comes with spending quality time with them. According to Nick Christakis and James Fowler, authors of Connected, having happy friends who live nearby can increase our own happiness by 25-34 percent.

But it's not just about the number of friends we have; it's also about the quality of those friendships. A depressed friend is six times more likely to make us depressed than a happy friend is to make us happy. And while we may think of our online connections as friends, studies have shown that the number of Facebook friends we have doesn't necessarily correlate with the size of our social circles in the real world. I have thousands of friends on Facebook, so I know that’s true. I hardly heard from any of them during my recent hiatus from social media.

We need human connection and interaction to thrive

So, what makes a good friend? Professor Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, has spent years studying the behavior of wild animals and exploring social evolution. He found that our networks are limited to around 150 slots, and we first slot in our family members before filling the remaining slots with unrelated friends. Dunbar also discovered that our number of friends correlates with the size of the key parts of our brains used in social situations. And yes, if you’re thinking “Dunbar’s Number,” you’re thinking of the right guy.

In today's world, where we are more connected than ever, it's easy to mistake online interactions for real friendships. But as Dunbar points out, it's important to have meaningful, offline connections with others before disaster strikes. These relationships are built on a sense of obligation and the exchange of favors, people whom we wouldn't feel embarrassed about asking for help.

In the end, we need to find a balance between socializing and solitude, between friendship and loneliness. It's okay to enjoy spending time alone, but it's important not to isolate ourselves completely. As social beings, we need human connection and interaction to thrive, to feel happy and fulfilled. So, reach out to an old friend, join a new group, and make meaningful connections that will enrich your life.

I recommend picking up a copy of Dunbar’s book, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships. He wrote, “Friendship and loneliness are two sides of the same social coin, and we lurch through life from one to the other.” Most of this blog post is inspired by notes I took reading his book and our conversation on my podcast.

I took the month of March off social media and avoided news to recalibrate and give myself a rest. I did the same in 2020 and found the experience especially rewarding during such a stressful period.

Since I’m back, I thought I would share a few takeaways.

Hardly anyone noticed. Only a handful of people contacted me about my hiatus, don’t worry; my feelings didn’t get hurt. It makes you question the social aspect of social media; we really are slaves to algorithms that keep feeding us and distracting us from our actual friends. Are you paying attention?

Surprisingly, I only saw a slight decrease in referral traffic from LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter to this blog and site and my business site and blog at futureforth.com.

Moving forward, I’ve decided to comment before I like something I see on social media. This means I plan to engage with you much more again. I need to practice what I preach and put the social back into social media.

I’m avoiding the rabbit holes. I have scheduled one hour a day max for social media. This might be done in two thirty-minute increments AM/PM on some days. I will use Freedom to block myself from accessing such sites for the rest of each day to focus on my business, family, and friends.

I quietly celebrated 1,000 days sober during my break. I also resisted posting photos and videos from my recent trips to London, Scotland, and the 12-mile hike we did with friends. Starting today, you can find that #latergram content on my Instagram.

I highly recommend you give your mind a rest. Social media isn’t what it used to be. Nowadays, it’s even hard to know if you’re corresponding with a real person because of bots and the advances of AI. I will focus much more on in-person encounters and actual friendships (with all due respect to my many acquaintances). 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of friendship for some time; I recommend you listen to my chat with Professor Robin Dunar of Dunbar’s Number fame (which I wrote about in my book, New Business Networking) about this topic. He wrote a thought-provoking and data-rich book all about the topic, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships. I recommend it!

Have you taken digital detox breaks? What was your experience like? 

I was saddened to hear Darren Barefoot died last week following complications from metastatic cancer. I had never put my finger on the legacy his message had on me until now; more on this in a moment.

I recently enjoyed an overdue, deep conversation with my seventeen-year-old son over dinner. We were talking about supporting causes we care about and his college plans.

One thought that has stirred in my head for years, that I shared with him, is about how knowledge workers can support the causes they care most about with money instead of time. 

I made the case that while volunteering your time is a beautiful act, supporting the cause with a healthy donation can be much more impactful. I explained that I support causes I care about by donating a small percentage of my business profits. My goal is to increase this percentage as I reach my financial goals. 

There is nothing negative with donating your time working in a food bank, for example, but if you can generate more money, that donated money can have a much more significant impact on supporting the food bank. Better to have a surplus of food than helpers to restock the shelves, right?

The thought about donating money for knowledge workers over volunteering time came from a presentation I saw in 2007 at Gnomedex by Darren Barefoot. 

What legacy will you leave?

Sadly, Darren passed away last week from cancer. His untimely death led me to rewatch his presentation. He opened his talk by empowering us to consider what legacy we will leave. This message is something I've reflected on and written about since seeing his speech so many years ago.

Subtly, Darren’s message of giving what you can stuck with me. His legacy is this point. His wit, smarts, and charm impressed the importance of philanthropy upon me. I never credited this to him until now because I never realized where these thoughts had come from.

I invite you to spend thirty minutes watching Darren’s presentation; thankfully, it's preserved on YouTube. 

Rest in peace, Darren. You impacted me, and I've already passed these ideas along to my son, so your kind thoughts live on.

My deepest condolences to Darren’s family and friends. If you knew Darren, perhaps you would like to leave a comment here about how he touched your life.

Dear reader, what legacy will you leave?

I managed to squeeze in two hikes while visiting Phoenix. I needed a little adventure and fresh air to clear my head and ruminate about my business. 

My hikes took me to Camelback Mountain via the Cholla Trail, a three-mile hike up 1,279 feet, with me climbing steep rock walls. And Phoenix Mountain Nature Trail 304, a less challenging two-mile hike into vast valleys. 

🌵Just do it. Nike sure nailed it with this, didn’t they? I had options to shop, eat, or stay in the lonely hotel room and stare at a screen. No, I fired up the All Trails app and chose the hikes based on their popularity. The first was labeled Hard, and the second was Moderate. 

🌵 Don’t be cocky or complacent. It’s always easier and faster getting down from the mountain than up. I moved a little too quickly, passing through the same loose rocks and cliff edges. I reminded myself that I could just as easily break or twist my ankle by not paying enough attention or being careful. Be careful going up and down.

🌵 The goal is closer than you think. It is. I almost quit the Cholla Trail when I noticed how much further I still had to climb and how steep and distant it seemed. The analogy of my work leading me to something bigger and better didn't escape me. I'm getting closer.

🌵 Be supportive. When I decided not to quit and keep pushing upward, a man passed me who said it was not much further. He added, “You can do it, man!” I reciprocated on the down part of my hike as I passed tired-looking people facing the same decision to quit.

🌵 Know your limits. As I got closer to the lowest lookouts, I came across a couple. The man held a baby to his chest, and the woman held a small child's hand. I was thankful they knew better than to attempt that climb with children in tow. I recalled seeing an idiotic man standing on a slippery rock at a waterfall. He held a child on his shoulders, wearing the cheapest plastic flip-flops. That image has never escaped me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

🌵 Prepare yourself. I was nearing the end of my return along the Piestewa Trail when I met James. I loved chatting with this older retired Silicon Valley engineer. I assured him the trail wasn’t too bad to go further, but he noted he had failed to bring any water and didn’t want to risk it. He was wise not to proceed. I also bought some sunblock and lathered up before each hike and was sure my phone had power - just in case. 

🌵 Pause and reflect. Along both hikes, I found a comfortable rock (as comfortable as rocks get) to sit on and reflect. Just breathing in the air and following my breath left me so relaxed and happy as the sun warmed me, and the shadow from the massive cacti kept me shaded. 

🌵 Don’t forget your business cards. On the first hike, I met a wonderful British couple from Soho in London. Michelle and Joe who was kind enough to offer me his business card and urged me to reach out when we visit London. I had my cards with me and gave James one on the second day should he find his way to Nashville.  

🌄 Not only did I get some needed exercise walking the mountain trails and roads around Scottsdale, about ten miles over a couple of days, but these lessons served as invaluable reminders to live a good life and hit those trails no matter where my travels take me. 

 Where will the trails take you?

My biggest takeaway from 2022 was to slow down and focus on perspective. What I learned directly resulted from a steady practice of mindfulness and meditation. The revelation came as I strolled along the lower trail of a State Park.

Radnor Lake is an over 1,300-acre nature preserve on the edge of Nashville. It has always been a favorite since moving to Music City in 2007. I’ve strolled along the tranquil lake paths and up to the more challenging cliffs many times with friends, family, and on my own. It was on my own when the thought of putting things in perspective hit home.

I suddenly felt melancholy and sadness as I noticed young children frolicking around me. It occurred to me that our kids are now teenagers, and the days of entertaining our young ones through the forest were gone. I was feeling lonely.

A lack of connection causes loneliness and is synonymous with perceived social isolation, not objective social isolation. Even living among people you love, you can still feel lonely. My challenges with anxiety weren’t helping me at that moment.

I noticed how happy the parents looked as they laughed at their kids being silly, bouncing through the leaves, and climbing the trees. I asked myself why I was feeling sad. The answer made me realize that my chosen emotion needed to be corrected. It wasn’t sadness that I should be feeling but happiness, but why happiness?

• Happy that these random parents and their children were having fun around me.

• Happy that I took our kids through these same trails many times when they were little.

• Happy that our kids now have memories of their own and enjoy such hikes in their later teenage years.

• Happy that I did this with our kids. I chose to take them on these walks through the woods.

This occasion of walking alone in the woods triggered my reflection, which led to the revelation. I realized that true sadness would be warranted if I had never taken them on the trails. If I had never spent time playing with them through those woods, that regret and sadness would make sense to me.

Slowing down and going for the hike helped me clear my head. The power of perspective made me realize it was a time to celebrate. I remember smiling and feeling great joy as I continued my hike along Radnor Lake.

Click to watch the clip on Instagram.

I performed stand-up comedy for the first time last night. I didn’t bomb, phew!  

I’ve been a comedy fan for my entire life. I grew up listening to all of the greats on albums and watching them on TV. I studied improv at Second City in Toronto. I’ve performed improv in Canada, US, England, Scotland, and Ireland. But standup comedy is a different medium than improv.

In improv, actors rely on one another to support and build a scene together (or to save them from one with a stage swipe) using the audience's suggestions AKA gives. Standup is solo, though. You’re on your own. 

As a keynote speaker, I’m pretty comfortable on stages in front of audiences. I’ve delivered many presentations to thousands of people over the years. Audiences are more forgiving in these arenas because they are there to learn. 

A presentation can’t be crammed with countless facts alone; that would be a train wreck. But a comedian is the opposite when you replace facts with jokes because their success metric is the number of laughs they receive in a set.  

Stories are the medium used to deliver facts, gives, and jokes. 

I’ve performed at several storytelling events over the years. This experience is vital for professional speakers, improvisers, and comedians to consider. Stories are the medium used to deliver facts, gives, and jokes. 

When I think of my favorite comedians, it’s all about the story. Developing that narrative and fitting the jokes within makes excellent comedy.

Tips for first-time comics (even at 50-years-old)

Here are some tips if you’re planning to perform standup for the first time. I'm no expert, of course, but here are some things to consider. 

Build a network. I took stand-up comedy classes at Third Coast in Nashville. I wanted to learn about standup performance, but my second goal was to meet other newbies. This support group will give you honest feedback and hold you accountable. I believe this is crucial. Thanks to Caitlin Price for joining me!

Arrive early and plan to stay late. I arrived just as the doors opened at 7:30 to be sure to add my name to the list. I was the tenth name, and the sets were four minutes. In theory, I should have been on stage at 8:10, but I didn't get selected until - 10:00. The host was choosing people he knew first, but I understand why this is if the host is considering the audience. He needs to be sure the audience is having a good time and won't leave.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. I wrote my script on paper. Then I transcribed it on my computer. I printed that script to rehearse and added the main bullets on a notecard (large enough to refer to on stage without my readers. I’m fifty now, and I need readers - you will too.) I then paced across my living room floor back and forth with a timer reciting the performance. Over and over and over. My goal is not to bring the card on stage with me. It’s best to have more than enough content because, on stage, your nerves make you go faster than planned.

Study the art. I watch stand-up specials on Netflix and YouTube all of the time. I listen to brilliant podcasts like Good One, where the host Jessie Fox dissects hilarious comedy with the actual comedian. I also recommend storytelling podcasts like The Moth and This American Life. See live comedy! Note what you like and dislike from other comedians when you are in the audience. Be there to support these brave people!

Respect the house and the host. When the host flashes a light or gives you a wave, it’s time to wrap it up. As a speaker, I’m anal about time because I want to respect the next speaker, the audience, and the meeting planners. You can throw the whole schedule off if you go over your time speaking at a conference. You also want to respect the club for providing a space to perform. Order drinks and generously tip your server. 

Record your set. As cringe-worthy as it is, it’s essential to review your performance. Count the laughs (I got nineteen in four minutes for my first time, I included chuckles.) Note where you can improve—test new bits. You can buy a little tripod for your phone or ask your friend to record it for you. The recordings will reveal how much you’ve improved over time.  

Keep smiling. It’s easy to feel deflated when you’re picked last (or third from last.) It felt like my attempts to play sports in grade school. Since it was an open mic night, many talented comedians were testing new material, while others were amateurs attempting stand-up for the first time (like me). Regardless, smile and stay positive, and do your best up there. 

If at first, you don't succeed, try try, try again. This was on a fridge magnet at my mum's house when I was a kid. It was solid advice. I love this quote by Norm MacDonald about bombing, "Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny."

Want to hear more about my adventures with standup? Follow the journey here.

If you're looking for more advice on performance, writing, and comedy, check out this blog post. 

What’s your experience with stand-up comedy? Have you performed before? Would you like to try? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Immigrants come to this country in droves. They start businesses and use a tax loophole, so they don’t have to pay taxes. They then invite their family members and friends here, they too start similar businesses, and they don’t pay taxes either!

This is something two American friends told me a number of months ago before dinner. They explained that these loopholes are how immigrants come from countries like India and Korea and now run most mid-range hotels and convenience stores, respectively.

Naturally, I was dumbfounded. I Googled their tax claim and discovered they were wrong. I politely added that I wish it was true since I’m an immigrant. I joked that I wanted to cash in on this*. They were both surprised but accepted my fact-checked revelation.

I explained that it made sense that an immigrant who comes to America and starts a successful business would invite their extended family. Naturally, they would support and mentor them to create similar businesses. This is what Irish laborers and Italian restauranteurs did in the early days of the US. Go back even further and it was the Spaniards and French who built great wealth from this Native American land.

I don’t expect the gentlemen were racist, they were simply ill-informed by rumors and misinformation. It’s easier to make the case when the people you refer to don’t look like you. Besides, I added, isn’t discovering loopholes to pay as little tax as possible the American way? Even that former president applauded such efforts, but I digress.

Sex & Donuts

Recently, I watched two documentaries on Hulu. I didn’t expect they would both leave me thinking a lot about immigrants... and sex and donuts.

The first film was Ask Dr. Ruth. I watched it because I was just speaking with my kids the other day about her. I told them how we (people growing up in the ’80s) learned all about sex from Dr. Ruth Westheimer (and Sue). I was curious about her story and decided to give the movie a try. I had no idea that Dr. Ruth had been a refugee who lost her parents during the holocaust. She ended up immigrating to the US in 1956.

The second film was The Donut King. The story of Ted Ngoy, also known as the “Donut King” who came to the United States as a penniless refugee from Cambodia in 1975.

Both Dr. Ruth and Ted Ngoy had horrific experiences that led in part to their relentless work ethic and passion for supporting others. Dr. Ruth literally taught thousands of Americans about sex, while Ngoy taught hundreds of Cambodian refugees how to open and run their own donut shops across the country. Both are heroes.

I had no idea that an estimated 80% of donut shops in the Los Angeles area are owned by Cambodian Americans. In Houston, Texas, the percentage is an even larger 90%.

This morning, on the way to school, I took my kids to our local donut shop and mentioned the movie to the cashier. She laughed and confirmed that she too was Cambodian!

I realize immigration is a complex topic that’s far beyond my scope. But I encourage you to watch both of these excellent films and use the web to fact-check when you hear outlandish statements.

And in case you’re wondering, here are the top 25 US companies run by immigrants.

1. Tesla

2. Google

3. eBay

4. PayPal

5. Nordstrom

6. BNY Mellon

7. Kohl’s

8. Cognizant

9. LinkedIn

10. Big Lots

11. DuPont

12. Pfizer

13. Yahoo

14. Soros Fund Management

15. Kraft Heinz

16. Goldman Sachs

17. General Electric

18. Comcast

19. Emerson

20. Capital One

21. Procter & Gamble

22. WellCare Health Plans

23. Honeywell International

24. Colgate

25. Thermo Fisher Scientific

*This immigrant always pays his taxes in full.