My friend came over the other day to help me repair a broken showerhead. The shower had been out of commission for months. Six months ago, I decided to try to fix it. I'm not particularly handy.

I did quite well with my repair job but was stuck when I couldn't fasten the showerhead pipe enough to make it point down instead of up. I had ideas to rectify the problem, but I was worried I would strip the thread and break the pipe. So I left it. For six months.

I feared I would break it because I didn't believe in myself. I didn't have the confidence.

My friend's dad is a handy man too. Those talents are passed down from generation to generation. I don't recall ever seeing my dad with a hammer or screwdriver. In addition to no handy inspiration, he also cursed me.

My dad famously once exclaimed, "If someone is going to f*** up, it's going to be Dave." He might have said it more than once, but regardless it stuck in my mind like a white-hot bull brand.

Bull, it took me years to realize it was bull. Heather taught me that. My dad was a prick to me growing up. I was a prick too, but he was the parent, so he earned much higher marks in the prick department.

I think of this constantly with my kids. I can't fool them into thinking I'm a talented handyman, but I can empower them to believe that they can be. That's what I strive for. I'm not a perfect parent (nobody is), but I am always careful not to put them down.

If you have little people in your life, think before you speak. Do the same when conversing with your employees, or friends, or anyone seeking feedback. That line my dad fed me (and my friend who witnessed my embarrassment) slowed my personal progress for many years. It still sticks with me today. 

Be careful with your words

My mum once had a fridge magnet that read, "Love is remembering an unkind word can hurt." It's a good reminder for us all. Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

If you struggle with self-doubt, know that you are not alone. In fact, everyone does to some degree. My old friend, John Morgan, shared some great tips on overcoming self-doubt here.

Photo from Flickr by Frédéric Glorieux.

I'm a fan of Paul Jarvis. I've enjoyed his Sunday Dispatches email newsletter for sometime now. His message resonated with me this week (as it often does). In his email he wrote,

"The problem I’ve personally come up against lately is that thinking up these new ideas, new products and new models is a little addictive. At least to me. And now I realize that I’ve let my business get far too unfocused."

I am in the same boat. What's really challenging is working for myself. When I earned a steady paycheck, I could work on side projects whether they earned money or not. Most of them didn't, but that wasn't my intention. Now that I work for myself, I'm completely accountable for my time (and money).

I am absolutely dying to start a new podcast. I know what I want it to be, I know the guests I want to have on it, but it comes down to two things: time and money.

I figured out that my last podcast took me about four hours for each thirty-minute episode each week. That time included my guest research, lining up interviews, conducting interviews, editing the podcast, producing show notes, and promoting each episode. Aside from a few sponsors, the show didn't earn much money, so I had to kill it. I needed to focus on Futureforth, so I could be sure my family was being fed.

I have many new ideas for new meet-ups similar to my previous ones. I want to start a small, private mastermind group (message me if you're interested). I've been sitting on a conference idea for years. I had a new book idea, but realized it wouldn't land me consulting or speaking work, which means it wouldn't earn enough money. You get the idea.

Money, money, money...

Money, money, money... why does everything have to be about money? Because every minute of my day is on me. Because I have to feed my family. Because I want us to be able to afford the richest experiences (not things).

Did I solve this dilemma in this blog post? No. Maybe you have some ideas. I'll keep you posted on developments here.

UPDATE about Max in this post.

---

Today is Max's one-year anniversary with us. We rescued him from Southern Skies Labrador Rescue & Adoption, a wonderful dog adoption organization. Heather and I had considered getting a puppy like our neighbors, but my friend, C.C. Chapman insisted we rescue a dog. I feel great about the decision since Max had originally been in a kill shelter. We were probably his last hope.

We had struggled with deciding whether we should even get a dog in the first place. We both had dogs growing up, but we weren't sure it was the right time because of our busy lives.

There is never a good time to get a dog.

Waiting for the perfect time to get a dog is like waiting for the perfect time to buy a house, get married, have children. It is a major life decision that you can't easily backpedal on. 

I don't suggest you rush into any major decision. You must do your share of research and soul-searching to decide if the decision is right for you. What is most important is not to use the excuse that it's not the right time as a way to procrastinate making the decision. 

If you always say it is not the right time, it will never be the right time. 

Even though we did run into some behavioral issues, we are thrilled with Max. We are eternally grateful to Todd Vehring (AKA "The Doggie Lama"), who taught us some important lessons. Who knew your dog should never be allowed on your bed? We are learning more each day. 

Happy Anniversary, Max. We are so happy to have you as a part of our family. Thank God we decided it was the right time.

I'm a slow reader, so when I finally finish a book, it's a big deal to me. I wish I could burn through books like many people I know, but I need to nurse them like a fine wine. I do my best to take notes and highlight sections that stand out to me. I did this a bunch reading Judd Apatow's book, Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy. 

The book is a collection of interviews with many of the biggest names in comedy, from Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, to Mel Brooks and Sarah Silverman. It's a treasure trove of thought provoking advice about life, writing, and performance.

I have always enjoyed Apatow's movies like Funny People, Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin, This Is 40, and I loved Freaks and Geeks. All of his work speaks to me. What I didn't realize was how dedicated he is to the art of comedy. 

It begins with guts and dedication

Some of the interviews in the book are from the 1980s when Apatow called comedians to request interviews for his radio show. When they agreed, they didn't realize a 15-year-old high school kid would show up with a tape recorder. That takes guts and dedication. He did air the interviews on his school radio station, so it wasn't a lie, but the station didn't broadcast past the walls of the school. 

Apatow went on to perform stand-up comedy in Los Angeles. He seemed to cross paths or work on projects with some of the best names in comedy. He was an executive producer of The Ben Stiller Show (one of my favorites), The Larry Sanders Show (another favorite), and so many more classic shows and movies. I love that he has been inspired to start performing stand-up again after all of these years. 

Reading Sick In The Head has reinvigorated my interest in performing comedy. I've written here before about studying and graduating from Second City in Toronto. I even had my own improv comedy troupe for about a year in Galway, Ireland, where we performed every Thursday night. I've never done stand-up, but I have material floating around in my head and in notebooks, so who knows. I also used to record fake radio shows and crank calls, when I was a kid. Garry Shandling mentioned that, "for some reason, every comedian he knew pretended to have a radio show as a kid." Perhaps I should take this as a sign.

I learned so many lessons about life, writing, and performing from the interviews. I have transcribed them below for you. I highly recommend you pick up a copy of Sick In The Head. I expect each reader will find gems that apply to themselves. There are many more guests in the book like Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Steve Allen. Here are the quotes from Sick In The Head that stood out to me most. I hope these inspire you too. 

On Life... 

Albert Brooks

• "There's no line at the bank for being ahead of your time."

• "Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived."

• "The subject of dying and getting old never gets old."

Chris Rock

• "You learn more from fucking up than you do from success, unfortunately. And failure, if you don't let it defeat you, is what fuels your future success."

Keegan-Michael Key

• "You've got to delegate. Trust people and delegate."

• "But then you get the tools, and one of those tools is the confidence to say, "Of course I can do that."

Louis C.K.

• On setting goals... "I had a direction in my life."

Sarah Silverman

• "You don't get what you want, you get what you think you deserve."

Spike Jonze

• "I always wanted to know why before I believed something."

• "...but in skateboarding, the city is a playground. Look at things differently."

Eric Idle

• "People are always interested in conversation because they don't get any."

• "To tolerate assholes is not a good idea - it only encourages them."

David Sedaris

• "Don't expect everything to work."

Jay Leno

• "You learn from the bad jobs. You don't learn anything from the good jobs."

Judd Apatow

• "…success never satisfies whatever you thought it was going to do for you."

• "As soon as I let go, everything went better….my career took off."

• "I feel like, as creative people, we're all on this journey to get comfortable with who we are, to understand who we are, to find a way for our art to express that."

• "…life is about finding ways to connect to other people…"

• (On Garry Shandling's advice) "You have to have a dream before you can execute it."

• "…they have a vision, and they work their asses off to make it a reality."

• "A lot of the need to be productive is the terror of things falling apart."

• "(Jay Leno) made me want to treat people kindly."

On Writing...

David Sedaris

• "When you become a grown-up, you realize how much weight your words might have -- to a younger person."

Jerry Seinfeld

• "It's one thing to see something. And I think the next step is to do something with it."

• "If you always want less, in words as well as things, you'll do well as a writer."

Garry Shandling

• "The most important thing a comic can do is write from his insides."

• "Whenever you turn to what the organic state of any given character is, the fears and the anger and the struggle, you're going to get conflict and a lot of hilarious stuff."

James L. Brooks

• "It's worth it. Writing is worth it."

• "You can't do your best work when you're self-conscious, when you're conscious of yourself."

Jon Stewart 

• (On comedy writing for Daily Show) "I never think about its purpose. I think about its process…"

Mike Nichols

• "What matters is how much it connects with people."

Sarah Silverman

• "I tried to teach myself how to think ahead."

Stephen Colbert

• (Quoting a teacher) "Write what you know, and write what you are interested in."

Jay Leno

• "The whole trick to being a successful comedian is to make fun of the things you like… So you find a common bond with people… everybody has a TV, so you talk about TV."

Judd Apatow

• "Start with an incredibly immature person who needs to learn a lesson."

• "Think in terms of the human story." Garry Shandling… "Yeah, this is the big bang of it."

• "Then I read somewhere that the best gift you can give other people is your story…"

• "…you write movies to figure out why you're writing the movie."

• "And that was probably the turning point for my whole career, realizing that the little moments that I thought were boring or just not interesting to other people are actually the things that people would be most interested in."

On Performance...

Garry Shandling

• "What you see on the stage is really how I am when I'm funny."

Amy Schumer

• (On Seinfeld advice to repeat his material) "Not everybody's watching everything you do, you know."

Harold Ramis

• (On improv) "focus on making everyone else look good because in that process we all look good."

Chris Rock

• "When you get real (honest), you have your biggest success."

• "When he (Louis C.K.) revealed himself, the whole world connected with him. "

Jay Leno

• "You just get better the more you do. The real trick is to listen to it and throw out everything that's not funny." Do this with a tape recorder.

Judd Apatow

• "It is interesting if you watch the arcs of so many comedians. At some point, they just become themselves.

• "Hearing what's in your mind truly makes people feel less alone and gives them hope for things that they want to do and get through things that are difficult."

• "Do not be afraid to share your story, or to be vulnerable and open when telling it."

• "Talking about this kind of stuff onstage means a lot to people. It frees them up to not feel ashamed for struggling. "

Lena Dunham

• "There are always people telling you that your experience doesn't matter, that it's navel gazing or unnecessary… But we do need to hear it, because that's who so many people are! I mean, it can be the difference between someone feeling like they have a place in the world and someone feeling they don't… art has a place in making people feel less alone."

The Main Conclusions...

The main conclusion I can draw from Sick In The Head is to be brave and honest enough to write and/or perform stories about your life. It's our stories that resonate with the audience and readers, especially when they are familiar. Treat people kindly and be complimentary. Don't fear failure. Believe in yourself. 

Even if you don't plan to become a comedian, you should start a journal and write every day. David Sedaris said, "(In your journal) each morning look at the day before and think, Okay, what was the defining moment of the day? What was the most interesting thing that happened? What was worth remembering?"

Next Steps...

I think this is a great starting point for me. I am also already getting involved with Nashville's comedy community. In the last two weeks, I have seen one improv show (LOL Nashville), several stand-ups, and even went to see Louis C.K. perform. Keep your eyes open for these hilarious local comedians, Michael Hampton, Nate Bargatze, and Dusty Slay. 

I've been talking to Luke Watson who is doing amazing work with Third Coast Comedy. I'm craving to perform improv again, maybe even stand-up. If you're subscribed to my newsletter, I will let you know when this happens.

Go grab a copy of Sick In The Head. Be sure to follow Judd Apatow on Twitter. The man is clearly a genius and generous person. I'm excited to see what new projects he has planned for us.

UPDATE: Suddenly, I'm performing improv again! 

Photo from Flickr by Sonia Recchia for Canadian Film Centre.  

Have you ever looked up at the sky at night and wondered about the Milky Way? Do you ever consider your actions and the effects they have on the universe? Do you want to become a better public speaker? Are you wondering what these have in common? Have I opened this post with too many questions?

I had the great pleasure of spending my birthday at TEDXNashville this year. Heather and I agreed that our favorite speaker was astrophysicist, Dr. Kelly Holley-Bockelmann. We decided "The Spacetime Symphony of Gravitational Waves" was our favorite because of several reasons. 

Why we chose Dr. Kelly Holley-Bockelmann's presentation as the best TEDX Nashville for 2016 

There were many amazing presentations, but The Spacetime Symphony of Gravitational Waves stood out for som

• She dumbed down an extremely complex topic so the audience would understand. Even I understood!
• Her passion for the topic was contagious. 
• Humor was used throughout the presentation that kept us laughing. 
• She reflected on something we all recognize, staring up to the Milky Way. I loved that she started with this and returned to it again at the end. 
• The presentation was interactive as the audience rose to take part in The Gravitational Wave Dance.
• She was the best-dressed presenter. Her dress was a memorable part of the presentation. 
• She left us with a profound thought that we must consider each day. 

As a public speaker, I always watch presenters with the intention of learning new ideas to deliver more impactful talks. This presentation was definitely one that will stick with me. 

Even if you have no interest in understanding supermassive black holes, spacetime, or gravitational waves, you must watch this presentation.

Get ready to learn why your choices matter and how they will be written into the universe. 

If you want to learn more about delivering a killer presentation, pick up a copy of Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World's Top Minds by Carmine Gallo.

Milky Way photo by James Wheeler

I've been in a bit of a creative funk lately. I have some ideas on projects I want to work on, including a new book, but I have had to rethink things. The long and the short of it, is I need to be sure what I create is aligned with where I want to be longterm. Things are still fuzzy, the funk is still here. Maybe something is holding you back too. Rather than dwell on this today, I wanted to share this inspiring short film. This might be just the kick you need to stop waiting.

Watch as Brad O’Neill looks to take his childhood dream and turn it into a reality by jumping a bike high enough to be able to base jump from it. O'Neill asks a few thought-provoking questions and shares some profound statements. It raises the question, what was your childhood dream?

"Why keep waiting? The perfect time is now."

"Usually, the things you are most apprehensive about are the ones that will bring you the most joy."

"There is a serious struggle balancing what your mind is telling you and what your heart is telling you."

"How long your life is isn't what's important. It's about how you spend your time."

Hat tip to Chris Guillebeau for sharing this on his blog today. 

Basketball or The Simpsons? This is the story of how a Sunday night tradition was born.

Back in the early 90s, I spent much of my time at a local watering hole in Toronto. The place was like a second home to my friends and me. It was like Cheers, except the patrons made up a wide range of wonderful misfits (way cooler people than Cliff and Norm).

One Sunday night the two televisions were switched to a basketball game. I was with my friends and we were discussing The Simpsons. We were all big fans of the show. Suddenly, I glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly 8:00, our favorite animated series was about to come on.

I asked the bartender if he would switch the channel from the mindless dribbling that nobody seemed to be watching to our choice. He shrugged his shoulders and said everyone was watching the game. I suggested they weren't. He replied that I would have to ask each person in the bar if it was okay to switch it to The Simpsons - and so I called his bluff. 

It was unanimous, nobody cared for basketball (it was way before the Raptors were killing it). The entire bar was filled with fans of Homer, his family, and his friends. The bartender had no other choice but to comply. He switched the channels and a tradition was born. We would meet at the bar every Sunday night in the weeks, months, and years after.

Never assume consensus.

Twenty-five seasons later, the longest-running animated series continues to entertain millions of people, including those sharing pints and laughs at my favorite Toronto watering hole every Sunday night.

Had I not questioned the assumed consensus a tradition may never have been born. The same can be said in the workplace and among your friends and family. Don't think it has to be a certain way because it seems so. Never assume consensus.

Have you ever wondered what you are good at? Ten people have the answers. You probably do too. 

Here is an exercise to get a better understanding of your strengths. I borrowed this from Pat Flynn's new book, Will It Fly? Pat referenced Gary Vaynerchuck as someone who has recommended this too. You will have to muster up a little courage and check your ego at the door, but the answers are worth it.

Take a moment to consider ten people who know you quite well. I would skip family. Choose people who you have worked with, old and new friends. Then send each person an email with a message like the one I wrote. 

Hi Jim,

I’m working on a little self-discovery project. Since you know me quite well, I am hoping you will play along with this to help me get some clarity. What do you feel is my unique ability - perhaps a “superpower” that I possess? What would you say that superpower is?

Thanks for your honest reply. It means a lot. 

Most of the replies came quickly and they absolutely meant a lot to me. I copied and pasted each person's answer into a word document, so I could have them all on one page to read. The most common words were: 

Sharing, Talking, Listening, Storyteller, Communication, Connection, Trust.

The words didn't surprise me, but they reminded me of what I am all about. These descriptions of me came from a couple of childhood friends, a former boss and friend, some friends I have known for more than a decade, a few friends who I have known for less. 

Use Your Superpowers Every Day

You should try this for yourself and see what your friends think of you. The important next step is to remember to use these superpowers every day. 

"With great power comes great responsibility." - Uncle Ben.

Will your idea fly? How to test your ideas.

Listening to Erik Fisher's Beyond The To-Do List podcast came at a great time, because I am working on some new ideas for my business. His guest was, Pat Flynn, from The Smart Passive Income Podcast and author of the new book, Will It Fly? How to Test Your Next Business Idea So You Don't Waste Your Time and Money.

I'm a big fan of Pat Flynn. Like other podcasters, he shares great advice for internet marketers. However, he approaches things in a very conversational, non-expert style. I am confident in saying that Pat Flynn is an expert in online marketing, but he delivers in a non-pushy or self-inflated ego kind of way. He's a good guy. 

The Beyond The To-Do List interview is about Pat's latest book, Will It Fly?, which is the question every entrepreneur should be asking before launching anything. Pat urges listeners and readers of his book to test their ideas before moving ahead. 

The following are key takeaways from the interview. I encourage you to listen to the full interview for more nuggets of wisdom from Pat and Erik. 

How to test your business ideas.

Grab your copy.

• Too many choices will stop you from moving forward. The unknown can cause enough fear for you to give up on an idea before you even test the waters.

• Get the answer to the question first.

• Consider the opportunity costs. Mike Stelzner from Social Media Examiner says, "You can't start one thing without stopping another."

• Don't rush into it. You need to decide on the idea and determine the steps you will need to make to move forward.

• Understand where the points of failure are.

• Make sense of your ideas by visualizing them by mind mapping. Check out MindMeister.

• Pat loves using post-it notes to create the order of his ideas by clumping them, reorganizing, and more. Beth Kanter has an excellent post about facilitating meetings with sticky notes.

• Figure out the problems you are solving with your idea first.

• Every great business solves a problem.

• An entrepreneur is a problem solver.

• Market research is crucial.

• Create your market map. Understand what's out there first by using the Three P's.

P: Places. Determine all of the places where your customer is online and offline. 

P: People. Find out who the influencers are in the space who have gained the authority. Use Twitter's advanced search to find them. Use podcasting networks to find them. Refer to the owners of popular LinkedIn Groups.  

P: Products. Figure out what the products are that already exist. You can find a position in the space if you see what is already out there. 

• Use Amazon to find the books on the topic and read the three-star reviews. Pat explains that these reviews tend to be the most honest. Reviewers provide the authors with suggestions on how the book could be improved or with new ideas not covered. These are items you can address in your product.

• Refine your idea after you have done your research.

• Get a few people to pay for your idea. Tim Ferris talked about validation in his best-selling book, The Four-Hour Work Week.

• Don't pretend to have a product with a buy now button. Instead, be honest and tell your friends, fans, and followers that you will create the product if you get enough buy-in from them. Ask them to pay up front to show they are truly interested in your idea. Make it a discount price. Include access to your early customers to help you shape what the product becomes.

• Set S.M.A.R.T goals.

• If you do not meet your goals. You know the product may not be a right fit.

• Do your homework and validate your ideas.

• When you have an idea of any kind. Talk about it with people close to you. You might be afraid people will steal the idea, but they won't.

• The pros of sharing your idea with people far outweigh the cons. The benefits include seeing and hearing the feedback. You get to have them poke holes in the ideas. They will also help you make it better by providing you with new ideas.

• Share your idea with strangers too. Don't just take one person's opinion. Use this feedback to help you determine whether you should proceed.

• Consider joining or creating a mastermind group to share these ideas.

• Onboarding means offboarding other things.

• You will need to make sacrifices in order to launch your new product. You will have to say no to other things that steal your focus.

• Make the product your one thing. Make it a healthy obsession.

• Everything you read and learn should contribute to that one idea.

• Don't let other things slow down your new idea.

• Work-life balance is a myth. Don't let your balance teeter too much to one side or the other. Be sure your communication is strong with your loved ones.

• Share what you are working on with your family, so they are aware. They will understand you will be busy if they know what you are doing. Be sure to refocus your time on them too.

I recommend you hop over to Amazon right now and pick up a copy of Pat Flynn's book, Will It Fly? How to Test Your Next Business Idea So You Don't Waste Your Time and Money. 

You can listen to the full interview below and grab the show notes at Beyond The To-Do List.

Photo by Dave Delaney. All Rights Reserved.

My kids are nine and ten years old. For the last several years, I have been recording them on the morning of their birthdays. Each birthday, I use the voice recorder app on my iPhone, to ask the birthday boy or girl one simple question. 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I have been fascinated with this question since I began to pause and reflect upon my own career, throughout my adulthood. I find the answer to what we truly want to do for a living can often be found in the things we most enjoyed as children. 

When my brother, Mike, was about eight, I performed magic and comedy for his friends at his birthday party. I was probably eleven years old. I was a class clown. I loved making my friends laugh, but the ultimate win was cracking up a teacher. I remember Ms. Hickey once laughing hysterically as she turned to the chalkboard to hide her laughter from the class. She couldn't reveal that I had her busting her gut. 

Years later, I would study improv comedy at Second City. I even had my own improv comedy troupe when I lived in Ireland. Improv is something I've been itching to do again. In fact, I'm (finally) going out this Saturday to see an improv show in Nashville. It only took me eight years living here to finally do this.

I loved creative writing in school. I used to write short stories, poetry, and I wrote in journals religiously. As I got older, the journalling stopped. It's something I have started doing again recently. Of course, I have this blog to share my thoughts with you. I also write on the Futureforth blog, Tennessean newspaper, and in my personal email newsletter (you are subscribed, right?). 

I loved drama class in school too. My earliest memory of performing on stage was doing Little Red Riding Hood in Grade 3. I had been demoted from my role of the lumberjack hero because I had goofed off one too many times in class. Instead, I was re-cast as a tree. I was more of a prop than I was an actor. My direction was to simply tilt my body horizontally as if to collapse slightly as the replacement lumberjack swung his axe into me. From there he would hear Little Red Riding Hood’s desperate yells for help and run to her rescue. 

My parents sank in their seats and my teacher's face became raging red with anger. 

When the lumberjack scene arrived. I stood erect with my arms spread out like a great oak tree. My parents and the audience probably noted my stylish wardrobe of a green turtleneck, dark brown corduroy pants, and trendy Buster Brown shoes. The lumberjack swung his axe into my side, but instead of following my direction, I had a better idea. I slowly fell forward with my face nearly smashing against the stage floor. I fell like a real oak tree wood, “Timber!”.  The audience roared in applause and laughter as my parents sank in their seats and my teacher's face became raging red with anger. 

I love making people laugh. I love being on stage in front of an audience. I know this is why I became a speaker. I always leave the audience informed, but make sure they laugh during my presentations too. There is nothing worse than a dry, boring speaker. 

Recording what Ella and Sam want to be when they grow up is an exercise for their own reflection as they get older. The recordings are private. I have no intention of sharing them with the world. I just want them to realize that as kids, they already have wonderful ideas on what they will be when they grow up. I want them to stay in tune with these ideas as they grow. I don’t want the system to distract them from following their true passions. Sir Ken Robinson has an excellent book called The Element. Robinson wrote, “The Element is about discovering your self, and you can’t do this if you’re trapped in a compulsion to confirm. You can’t be yourself in a swarm.” 

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I bet your favorite duties in your job stem from your childhood passions. Maybe you are lucky enough to do what you have always dreamed of doing. Or maybe you are stuck in a job that has nothing to do with the true you. Take some time to jot down what you wanted to be as a kid. Add the things you enjoyed most as a child. Now ask yourself how you can begin to weave these interests and passions into your work. 

Honesty is the best policy.

I buggered up scheduling a meeting with a client today because I mixed up timezones (sorry Zoe). I apologized to her and told her the truth. My mum taught me that honesty is the best policy. Your mom (or maybe Ben Franklin) probably taught you this too. 

Today, I saw a story on LinkedIn that inspired this post about honesty. No matter how clever you think you are in concocting a lie, you aren't. This lie cost a guy a job and it wasn't even necessary. 

Brian Connors, Managing Director and Co-Founder of AllSearch Professional Staffing wrote this post. 

Never a dull day in Recruiting. A "Professional" Sales/Management Candidate cancelled an interview today because they and child had a bad car accident, child had to go to the hospital. Even sent us the pic. How sad right? Not so fast, Google "bmw car accident" if you will. I guess our only remaining question for this future superstar of business is, just how did you get from the streets of India to a hospital in Atlanta in just 3 hours?!

I had to search the image myself. I use the Google Image Search Chrome extension to easily search any image online.

Sure enough, I found the original photo on Hindu.com by Sushil Kumar Verma.

"Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life." - Zig Ziglar. 

Being dumped was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I was seeing an Australian girl for a while when I lived in Galway, Ireland. One day she called me to tell me we needed to talk. That’s never a good sign. We met up at her place after I got off work. She sat me down and nervously got to the point. She wanted to break up. 

I knew she wanted to break up when she said we needed to talk. It was either that or she was pregnant. Thank god it was the former. What I didn’t know was I would meet my future wife as a result.

The reality was I knew we weren’t soul mates. She was from Australia and I was from Canada. We weren’t going to leave Ireland together. All good things come to an end, I understood that. Instead of dwelling on the end of our short relationship, I suggested we should celebrate it. I smiled, accepted my fate and invited her out to dinner — on a breakup date.

Naturally, she was hesitant to go for dinner with me, since she literally just broke up with me. She agreed to the date once she was convinced that I had accepted her wish to terminate the relationship. 

The Home Plate was this cute little restaurant in Galway. The food was delicious and affordable for backpackers and locals on a budget. It was perfect for people like me. I think the cozy place had about ten tables at the most. 

What can I get y'all?

My ex-girlfriend and I were seated together at a two-seater near the kitchen. We were talking about mutual friends and local gossip when our waitress approached, “What can I get y’all?” I found her attractive and thought her American southern accent was odd to hear in a tiny restaurant on the west coast of Ireland. 

Dinner was a bit of a blur. I probably had the chimichanga or the chicken curry, both were my favorite dishes on the menu. After we ate, I hugged my former girlfriend and bid her farewell. Rather than heading back to my lonely flat, I went to the pub, which was conveniently located below my lonely flat. 

The evening festivities were as fun as always. I mingled with local friends and fellow backpacker chums over many pints of Guinness. The early evening became later that night, and low and behold, that cute waitress entered the pub! I approached her (with liquid courage) and exclaimed that she was my waitress earlier that night. She affirmed my statement. I then explained that I had been on a breakup date. In fact, I was now a “free man”. 

As you would expect, she was not impressed by the statement. I believe she replied with something polite like, “that’s good for you”. We didn’t talk much more that night. We both left with our respective friends and that was that — for the time being. I had no idea she would become my wife and mother of our children. 

When you are a foreign backpacker, working at a hostel, living in a city with 60,000 people, you end up mixing with the same people often. I ran into her several times after the first chance encounter. We chatted and started to get to know one another a little more each time we ran into each other — usually in a pub.

Heather cured my hangover! 

One day, weeks later, I was finishing my shift working at the hostel. I was sleep deprived and dealing with a hangover. I was ready to pull myself away from the reception desk, down the stairs, up the street, into my flat, and under my blankets to crash for the night. I was cashing out when the beautiful, blonde waitress from Tennessee entered to my surprise.

Heather approached the desk and asked me what I was doing that night. I told her I was hungover and ready to get some sleep. She frowned and said that it was too bad. I asked why and she replied, “because I was going to see if you wanted to join me for a pint.” 

Suddenly I felt one-hundred percent again. My foggy fatigue was instantly converted to positive energy. It was a miracle, Heather had cured my hangover! We left the hostel together and spent the evening laughing, talking, and listening to the finest Irish traditional music in the world at The Crane pub. Our first date of many over the next seventeen years (and counting).

A breakup could have been the worst thing ever. Instead, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. As painful as they can be, breakups happen for a reason. 

What's your biggest regret? 

A chalkboard was set up in the middle of New York City asking passersby to write down their biggest regrets. As the board filled up, the filmmakers noticed that all of these responses had one alarming thing in common. Do the things you'll regret not doing.

More common life regrets from the blackboard: 

• Not saying "yes" to things.
• Being too afraid of failure.
• Wasting time. 
• Not going after your dreams.
• Not keeping in touch with friends.
• Not finding the time.
• Just doing plan B.
• Staying in your comfort zone.
• Not pursuing your career.
• Not getting involved.
• Not speaking your mind.
• Not following your dreams.

The moral of the story is to treat every day as a clean slate. Do the things you'll regret not doing. 

Take a moment today to jot down your own regrets. Life goes by quickly, consider doing something different today to put you in the right direction. We all need to aim to reduce our regrets. What are you going to do?

Let me begin by explaining that I do not work in the film industry, nor do I shoot animals. Having come from Toronto, it's hard not to have learned a thing or two about how movies are made. I expect coming from Nashville; most natives know enough about hunting (whether they do it or not). 

In the film industry, Toronto is known as Hollywood North. At any given moment, you can see multiple film shoots occurring. The city can easily be transformed to resemble New York or Chicago because of the similar architecture. Filmmakers get a nice tax break, and that weak Canadian dollar helps seal the deals too. Chicago, the movie, was filmed in Toronto. 

After I returned to Toronto from backpacking Europe, I worked nights and some days at an international youth hostel. I intended to meet fellow backpackers but also save enough money to return to Ireland for a year (which I did, and then some). 

I used to work Saturday or Sunday mornings at the hostel. If things were slow and we had vacancies, I would drive to the local bus station to find international backpackers arriving. I would happily approach them, show them fliers for the hostel, and give them a free ride if they needed one. Most people eagerly took me up on the offer.

Officers swarmed out of nowhere with their guns drawn!

Photo from Flickr by dtstuff9. 

I clearly remember one Saturday morning as I waited for future hostel guests to arrive at the bus station. The sky was blue, and the sun shone brightly at the busy downtown intersection. Suddenly, unmarked police cars swarmed the streets. Undercover officers swarmed out of nowhere with guns drawn at a man crossing the road. They each yelled, "Get down with your hands up!" The bad guy dropped to his knees; he knew they had him captured. There was no point in resisting or trying to escape. 

As a Toronto native, I knowingly glanced around for the cameras. Yep, I spotted it. A large crane was at the corner with a camera facing down on the scene below. An action-filled shot like that was presumably a major scene of the film. The director yelled, "Back to ones, people", and they began to shoot it again - and again and again. 

Each time the police takedown began, unsuspecting pedestrians would duck for cover thinking it was all real. The pedestrians were usually weary travelers having just stepped foot into Toronto from hours of travel. Welcome to Hollywood North. Soon after they learned it was a film shoot, the embarrassed people would laugh about experiencing a staged police takedown, right as they stepped off the bus! Now that is a story to share with your loved ones back home.

The part where I got embarrassed...

When I moved to Nashville, I was taking a walk around the surrounding neighborhoods. As I walked past a house, I saw a man outside in a camouflage jacket and scruffy beard. A large Ford F-150 truck was parked in his driveway with a huge apparatus attached to the trailer. It was a large steel crane that could be elevated with a stand at the top for the camera. I instantly got excited at the thought that movies were being shot in Nashville too. 

I smiled at the man and asked him what he was shooting. He looked dumbfounded and yelled, "Deer!" I could swear he added a "duh" to his reply. When I returned home to Heather, I told her the story. She laughed out loud as she explained what a deer stand was. What I thought was a camera crane was a tripod for hunters to get above their targets to blast them to bits. 

I had misidentified the hunting accessory. At least I was correct about something getting shot from that thing. In my defense, nowadays, many hunters film their victims from their deer (or tree) stands and post them on YouTube. So maybe I wasn't completely wrong. Okay, I was. :) 

Has this ever happened to you? What object did you mistakenly take for something else?

I work hard serving my clients, preparing for speaking engagements, and writing. I do my best to spend as much time as possible with my family too. It's exhausting working all of the time. Add in parenting and caring for Max, and well... I'm beat! 

This weekend the plan was to leave our kiddos with my wonderful in-laws, and to head for the hills with Heather. We booked a cabin, fully equiped with a wood-burning fireplace and hot tub. We were overdue for a relaxing weekend unplugged.

When we awoke this morning there was already some accumulation of snow. Winter was (finally) upon us. Friends joke about it because I'm vocal about craving snow this time each year. I get jealous seeing the white stuff in friend's Instagram feeds elsewhere. Today I got what I wanted, but with bad timing. 

4 inches of snow and still falling...

We attempted to drive downtown to drop the kids off, but we never made it. It took us 3 hours to drive 20 miles. We were stuck in standstill traffic along Interstate 40 for 2 hours. As we exited the interstate we got stuck in the snow. Some kind passersby stopped to help push our car. Heather took the wheel, and I joined the good people who were shoving our car forward.

WSMV even caught our antics and we made the news. Our phones were blowing up with texts from our pals who caught us on the news. I made a silly video below to share for your viewing pleasure. We're the gray Highlander. 

As I write this, the snow is still coming down. We have about 4 inches of the white stuff so far, and we expect about four more. Bring it on! 

Be sure to check out the fun photos and videos with the hashtags #snowmaggedon2016 and #nashvillesnow. You can bet I'm having a blast playing in it. You can follow my photos on Instagram if you like. 

When Heather and I lived in Edinburgh, Scotland, we used to frequent a small fitness club located in the Caledonian Hotel. Each day after work we would meet to visit the club on our way home. We were very dedicated to getting healthy because it was January, that's when we all have health on our minds. 

Many nights would be spent at the pub. We shared a flat with eight wonderful people, but it was tight quarters, so the pub was a nice escape. We would usually pig out on fish and chips along the walk home after the pub. A not-so-healthy choice. 

I can't remember exactly when it was in our fitness club foray when we discovered that our passes gave us access to the hot tub, but we were elated when we realized this. We would often hit the weights and cardio machines first, then we would hop into the hot tub and soak our troubles away. 

At some point things changed. We would skip the weights, do the cardio, and use the hot tub. Then we started skipping the cardio and we would just soak in the hot tub. It was probably early February when we would meet at the pub first and then go to the hot tub. You can see where this is going, right? 

Needless to say, we decided not to renew our health club memberships. We were shameful and disappointed that we didn't stick to our healthy New Year resolutions.

It's now getting to that time that many of us who made resolutions are slipping or have given up entirely. Here are some ways to improve your willpower to get back on the horse. 

8 Steps to Increase Willpower

I came across a fantastic article from the Guardian about willpower by Will Storr. In it, he writes about Walter Mischell's book, The Marshmellow Test. Mischell shares how to improve your willpower in seven steps. Here they are from the article:

1. Transform the meaning of stimuli "It sounds like a heavy phrase but what does it mean?" says Walter Mischel. "I have coeliac disease. When I eat gluten, I get a burning itch. So when I look at pasta, I don't think of it as yummy, delicious and great, I think of it as poisonous, connected to the itch."

2. Distance yourself Look at yourself as if you're a fly on the wall. Describe yourself to yourself as if you were another person. A simple thing such as referring to yourself by your name rather than "I, me" gives you an advantage.

3. Make the object of your desire abstract Pretend it's not really there. Put a frame around it in your head and make believe it's only a picture.

4. Eat chocolate If you need a momentary boost, scoff sugar. (This tip is less successful for dieters).

5. One thing at a time Willpower is like a muscle that gets fatigued. If you're dieting, don't try to give up smoking at the same time.

6. Practice small Willpower can be strengthened by regular practice, according to Roy Baumeister, who claims that even things as simple as making sure you're always sitting up straight and speaking in complete sentences can build up your power of self-control, which will improve in other areas.

7. Eat well Evidence suggests that self-control draws disproportionately on blood glucose, which is a fuel for the brain. Sleeping well and eating food that provides a long, slow release of sugar helps.

8. The 'If, Then' technique Tell yourself, "If I see pie on the menu, then I'll order the tuna salad." It has to be highly specific and practiced until automatic.

Have you tried these before? Did they work for you? 

I'm giving them a try now, even though we just ordered Girl Scout cookies from Ella. How evil is it of the Girl Scouts to be canvassing for cookies in January?! 

I am excited to test my willpower when those deliciously fattening cookies appear on our doorstep. Tagalongs are like kryptonite to my willpower, but I will stay true and stick to resisting them!

If I fail, follow the cookie crumbs right to the hot tub.

Photo by María Victoria Heredia Reyes. 

I wrote yesterday about a regret I have. We all have regrets. Don't lie and say you don't. I have been thinking about this lately because I sometimes compare myself to others I admire. Once again, something I shouldn't do, but I do - you do it too. 

Heather has girlfriends she gets together with once a year who she met in college. I always hear stories from friends about their college days. I get envious and I wish I had done the same thing, but I didn't. 

I Wish Had...

Fill in the blank, I wish I had ________________________________________________. Now replace "I wish had" with "I am glad I". 

I Am Glad I...

I am glad I went to university for night classes and on weekends because I approached it in a much more mature way. I built relationships with faculty who I am still in touch with today. I excelled in my classes because I took them so much more seriously than I would have out of high school. I did it while I worked during the day and while Heather was pregnant. I remember it fondly. 

I wish I had become a speaker, so I would be in as much demand as some of my peers like Scott Stratten, Mitch Joel, and Chris Brogan. 

I am glad I waited to become a speaker until later because I am much more rehearsed and knowledgeable about the topics I speak on now. I am glad I didn't speak before studying improv with Second City, because I know how to read an audience and deliver content that leaves them thinking, inspired and laughing. 

What about you? 

I Wish Had... 

I Am Glad I...

I was laughing the other day as I listened to Ken Bole's Baby Sally podcast. I was chuckling because what he said rang true for me too.  We need to shut up more.

Here's the scenario. You are at a function, and you find yourself speaking with a few people. You are excitedly sharing an entertaining tale when something happens. 

As you are about to share the ending of your story, another person approaches and joins your group. The other people turn away from you and welcome him. Suddenly, they are talking with the new guy. Your story has become a cliff-hanger, but nobody cares.

I laughed at Ken's telling of his story because it has happened to me too. Has this happened to you?

Have a listen below, but be warned of strong language. ;)

Back at the Party...

Miffed, you rush to ruminate on how you can share the conclusion of your riveting story with your disconnected audience. It's usually too late. 

The moral of the story is to ferme la bouche. Instead, be the one who asks for their stories. Become a better listener. The quieter you become the more you hear. 

This animation is featured in The ROI of Nice keynote presentation.

We are all seeking ways to become smarter. At least, I hope we are. We should be.

Today, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Question of the Day. In each episode hosts, James Altucher and Stephen J. Dubner choose a question from Quora and answer it. This week the question was, "What are ways to train your brain to be smarter?"

I feverishly took notes on my iPhone as I walked Max. Remember, when you write down what you learn, you retain the information. Transcribing my notes in this blog post will help me remember what I learned even better. Win, win. :) 

How to Train Your Brain to be Smarter

Read a lot.

I don't read enough books (I read plenty of articles and blog posts), so I've challenged myself to read two books a month this year. I'm sharing how this goes in the NBN Club, where members are also participating. I will share my notes here about each book as I complete it.

Hang out with people who are not like you. 

By expanding your circles, you will broaden your knowledge. Take a look at a site like MeetUp.com, to find upcoming groups you can join.

Don't spend so much time pursuing things that are not important to you.

Dubner quoted Arthur Conan Doyle. 

“I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.” ― Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet.

Don't go with the flow.

Don't worry so much about the conventional wisdom. Don't worry about what everyone is thinking, doing and drinking. Use your brain to be original. Dubner said, "A little bit of truly original thinking can get you so much further than just learning how to parrot all of the seemingly smart things everyone around you says."

Sleep a lot. 

Altucher explained that if you want to be smarter you should sleep a lot. This gives your brain time to build upon the facts that you learn. 

Exercise your Idea Muscle.

I love the concept of your "idea muscle" from Altucher. He wrote about this in depth in his outstanding book, Choose Yourself. I've written about his book here before.

Write ten ideas every day. Share the best ideas with those who can benefit from them. Don't worry if the ideas are silly, the purpose is to get your brain moving to come up with those ideas. I also loved the idea that execution is a subset of ideas. 

Try Warren Buffet's Method.

Warren Buffet has an exercise he recommends people do to find their interests and passions. Simply write a list of 25 things you are interested in. Keep the top five and discard the others. The others will distract you from focusing on the top five, which are obviously the most important since you listed them first. 

Be sure to listen to the whole episode of Question of the Day, to hear about understanding mental shortcuts and more. 

I encourage you to subscribe to Question of the Day in iTunes. 

What are ways you train your brain to be smarter?

Ok, maybe not save your life, but it will greatly improve it. This isn't a productivity blog, and yet I keep finding myself writing about the topic. I suppose it's because it is the new year. Everyone (including myself) is pumped about improving their lives. As for productivity, be sure you are following smart people like Mike Vardy, Erik J. Fisher, David Allen, and Michael Hyatt (whose calendar idea I borrowed for this version). 

My Killer Calendar

I want to introduce you to an idea that is working for me to stay focused. It's also helping me to reevaluate how I am spending my time. The idea is my Killer Calendar. Don't worry, nobody dies. 

I balance many different projects at once. I have incredible consulting and coaching clients at any given time. I also need time to write content here and in the Nice Maker. I also carpool to get the kids to school, gymnastics, clubs, etc. And then there is Max at my side, who seems to always be anxiously ready to head outside for a pee.

My Killer Calendar has helped me to stay focused by dividing my time into specific chunks dedicated to different topics such as, Client Work, Business Development, Family.

3 Steps to Create Your Killer Calendar

1. Along the left side of the Google Calendar interface, you will see My calendars and Other calendars that you are subscribed to. Turn them all off by clicking the box next to each one. Your calendar should be blank.

2. Create a new calendar and call it  "My Killer Calendar". 

2. Add general daily areas of work you need to do, these should seldom change. This isn't a to do list, for that, grab my daily goals worksheet. Carve out blocks of time for each item. You could have sections like, Gym, Team Meeting, Client Work, Personal Development, etc.

Tip: It helps to make these reoccurring in the calendar, so you don't have to create a new item for each day manually.

Here's my Killer Calendar for weekday mornings. 

3. Along the left side of the Google Calendar interface you can select different calendars. Turn your regular calendar back on, so you see how your work week compares to your Killer Calendar. Moving forward, you will adjust your regular calendar to be sure it fits your Killer Calendar template.

The Killer Calendar will help you know what you should and shouldn't be doing each day. It will also help you realize how you can adjust your life to make up more time in a day.

I have decided to shorten my walks with Max on days I drive the kids to school from 60 minutes to 30 minutes. I also now eat breakfast with my kids, and I shower as they are getting ready. This saved me another 30 minutes. I have adjusted my Killer Calendar to reflect this, and now have an extra hour to work on my clients on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Win!

I recommend you print your Killer Calendar, so you can review it through the day to be sure you are staying focused. Mine is taped to my wall over my desk. I aways find printing items helps me get the work done, which is why I made my Daily Goals worksheet for you. 

Do you do this too? If you try it, let me know how it works for you.