Posts in life
On Washing Your Hands

I’ve been washing my hands much more often and with greater intent lately. I hope the same applies to you.

The other day I discovered a fun tool to help reinforce the practice of washing your hands. A big shout out goes to William Gibson who created Wash Your Lyrics.

Before dinner, I asked my family to name their favorite songs. I plugged each song title into Wash Your Lyrics and printed a mini-poster to refer to as they scrubbed up. I’ve included The Tragically Hip’s “Bobcaygeon” here as an example.

Some Thoughts on Washing Your Hands

But seriously folks…

As I was cleaning my hands the other day something occurred to me. I pictured who I was washing my hands for. I imagined my kids and Heather. My friends, family, neighbors, our community, and perhaps even humanity. Oh, and myself too.

As the soapy suds dripped down the drain from my fingers, I began to take deep breaths. In deeply for a few seconds, out deeply for a few seconds. I looked in the mirror and pictured the people in my life and how much I love them.

Who are you washing your hands for?

A Two-Sided Ball and Emotional Intelligence

The Two Colored Ball Experiment

A Two-Sided Ball and Emotional Intelligence

The experiment consists of showing a two-color-sided ball to a two or three-year-old child. Let’s say one side is red and the other is green. You sit on the floor across from the child and rapidly spin the ball, so the child sees the different colors. After spinning the ball, you place it between each of you with only the red side facing the child and the green side facing you.

When you ask the child what color they see. They will correctly say “red”. When you ask what color am I seeing, they will also answer “red”.

The child can’t take the role of the other. They can’t see it through your eyes. They are seeing the world in a completely different way. As they get older (around six or seven-years-old) they will recognize both colors and answer correctly. They will understand that you are seeing the world from a different perspective.

Ego-centrism, Group-centrism, World-centrism

As you age you can see the world with different perspectives and ethical development.

Young children see the world in an ego-centric manner. Egocentrism is the inability to differentiate between self and others. They don’t assume or understand any perspective other than their own.

As we age, we see the world in a group-orientated way. These groups can come from our tribes, families, communities, cultures, political affiliations, and religions. Problems arise here because we choose sides and become pigheaded. Does this sound familiar these days?

Ultimately we should strive to gain a world-centric perspective. This is where we care for all living things regardless of who they are.

Improve your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, evaluate, and respond to your own emotions and the emotions of others. One way to improve your emotional intelligence is to put yourself in the role of the other person.

Imagine you have your two-colored ball between you and who you are talking with. Always try to see the ball as the other person. This is what being nice is all about.

Be sure to listen to all three parts of Futurethinkers podcast interview with philosopher Ken Wilber, the creator of Integral Theory and one of the key figures in the area of consciousness studies of our time.

Why is Empathy Important?
Why is empathy important?

Let’s begin by describing empathy in a sentence from Wikipedia. Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position.

This means we need to put aside our differences at work or outside with friends and family. We also need to stop and think about where someone is coming from before replying to their tweet or Facebook post. Perhaps we need not reply at all.

Sympathy vs Empathy

Empathy is often confused with sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling of pity or sorrow. Brené Brown references nursing scholar Theresa Wiseman's four attributes of empathy, which I discovered in Kate Thieda’s excellent article, Brené Brown on Empathy vs. Sympathy.

  1. To be able to see the world as others see it—This requires putting your own "stuff" aside to see the situation through your loved one's eyes.

  2. To be nonjudgmental—Judgement of another person's situation discounts the experience and is an attempt to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.

  3. To understand another person’s feelings—We have to be in touch with our own feelings in order to understand someone else's. Again, this requires putting your own "stuff" aside to focus on your loved one.

  4. To communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings—Rather than saying, "At least you..." or "It could be worse..." try, "I've been there, and that really hurts," or (to quote an example from Brown), "It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.”

What are the three types of empathy?

Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman break down the concept of empathy into the following three categories. I encourage you to read Justin Bariso’s full article, Here's How They Differ--and How You Can Develop Them All.

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy makes us better communicators, because it helps us relay information in a way that best reaches the other person. 

Emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Some have described it as "your pain in my heart." This type of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others. 

Compassionate empathy (also known as empathic concern) goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings: it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can. 

Be nice by practicing empathy

Want to be nicer? Consider what the person is going through. Put yourself in their shoes. Actively listen to what they are telling you. Connect what they are going through to something that has happened to you (keep this to yourself). Then take action by offering to help them with something specific. What can you do or offer to help?

Did you know a two-sided ball teach us about empathy?


Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

15 Ways to be "Unnice"
How to be unnice

The following are fifteen ways I am unnice. Feel free to borrow these if you are trying not to be nice. I would argue that being nice will get you further ahead in life, but arguing isn't nice. Is it?

15 ways to be unnice

Yelling at my kids.

Comparing myself to others.

Getting angry at people who drive slowly in the passing lane (that’s the one on the left).

Eating junk food and sugar.

Losing my patience.

Skipping my daily meditation practice.

Ignoring the dog.

Getting frustrated with people.

Procrastinating on the work that will move me forward.

Consuming wisdom and doing nothing with the new-found knowledge.

Overeating.

Drinking alcohol.

Not accepting people for who they are.

Judging others.

Skipping exercise.


Your Turn

How are you unnice?


Photo by Kido Dong on Unsplash.





What is the legacy you will leave?

How will you be remembered?

Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash

Have you ever thought about what’s going to be in your obituary? Does this sound morbid? Stick with me for a minute. 

When I was a child, I was lucky to spend a few summers attending Kilcoo Camp. While I certainly suffered from feeling homesick, I also made new friends and learned many skills I still use today (I’m not too shabby in a canoe). 

The camp was run by John “Chief” and Peggy “Mrs. Chief” Latimer. I remember many warm moments speaking with Chief and his sons (who run the camp today) about missing home. He was always keen to help me overcome being homesick and made sure I was connecting with the other kids.  

In 2003, Chief sadly passed away. I saw in his obituary that a celebration of his life would be held at St. James Cathedral in Toronto. Everyone in Toronto is familiar with the sound of the bells ringing at St. James; it is one of the largest churches in the city with the biggest peal of bells in North America.

I mention the size of the church because when I arrived for the service, I was shocked (but not surprised) at the number of people present. There were so many people in attendance that they overflowed to the park around the church where the service was amplified through speakers. Chief touched thousands of people’s lives through his work at Kilcoo Camp. His legacy of being a kind, sweet, smart man lives on. 

Thinking about your legacy

I recently watched best-selling novelist Brad Meltzer’s TEDx talk “How To Write Your Own Obituary.” In it, he describes the different types of legacy that you will leave.

Try this exercise for yourself. Write down and separate all of the things you do for yourself versus what you do for other people. Those things for yourself will be the least remembered — your resume will fade. Your legacy is what you do for other people and the impact those actions have on their lives. This very much is in line with my approach to networking, nicely — always find ways to help others. 

Meltzer describes types of legacy.

Personal. You are your parent’s legacy. The way you interact and help your siblings will be remembered. How you raise your children and how you treat your spouse make up your family legacy.

Friends and colleagues. Helping your friends and treating them kindly will play a major role in your legacy. I believe we should find ways to support our friends beyond simple Facebook likes. Reach out over the phone or coffee.

Community. Who will remember your name? The people in your community will remember you for your participation and contributions. What have you done to help the people in your community?

Catching Up with Marcus Whitney

This coffee catch up was way overdue. I love that Marcus Whitney recorded it and shared it with his friends, fans, and followers. I wanted to do the same here because there is so much great content within. Marcus is a good soul, be sure to check him out.

What we talk about:

  • public speaking

  • improving workplace communication

  • book writing

  • LinkedIn best practices

  • entrepreneurship

  • social networking

  • social media

  • podcasting

Do you have questions or comments? Drop them down below and I’ll do my best to help you.

The Three Whys, Man
The Three Whys Man.png

I was inspired today. I saw two gentlemen in their 40s at the pool. They were both working with an instructor to learn how to swim. They made me think about how I take my own knowledge and experience for granted. I also have so much to learn in my own life.

As I was leaving, I saw one of the men in the change room. He smiled and exclaimed he was finally learning how to swim. I replied that I thought it was fantastic.

Then I asked him, why? Why was he learning how to swim?

He told me he had always wanted to learn.

I asked him, why?

He smiled confused and said he wanted to learn so he wouldn’t drown.

I asked him, why?

He thought for a moment and said he was doing it so he wouldn’t die, and he could save his kids if he needed to.

“So you’re doing it for your family?” I said.

“Yes, I guess I am.” He laughed nodding in agreement.

There is so much value in the three whys, man.

No, not the three wise men. They did bring some lovely gifts for Jesus though.

I’ve started asking why three times in a row to get to the real meaning of my work. I call it my Three Why’s, Man? It usually results in answers that aren’t necessarily about me. When it goes beyond me, it becomes much more important. I think this is a secret to success.

I’ve started swimming regularly.

Why?

To become healthier this year.

Why?

Because I want to live a long, healthy life.

Why?

So I can enjoy my later days with Heather, and we can watch our kids become adults.

I’m not swimming for me. I’m swimming for them.

Geek Breakfast, again

There are currently a few tickets remaining for Geek Breakfast in Nashville on Feb 15th. In order to explain why I decided to host such an event, I need to first explain what Geek Breakfast is.

If you have attended a conference that was an amazing experience, you suffered from conference blues when it was over. The buzz of connecting with so many people in person can’t be denied. The days after are usually a little sad when you return to work and life goes back to normal.

The conference blues are felt even more deeply when you are a conference organizer, or in my case an unconference organizer. You’re exhausted but soon crave that in-person connection and organized chaos again. This is what led me to create a monthly breakfast networking event called Geek Breakfast back in December of 2007.

I co-founded BarCamp Nashville and PodCamp Nashville. The buzz in Nashville during BarCamp was wonderful, but I missed all of my new friends and didn’t want to wait six months until the next gathering So, I created Geek Breakfast as a way we could all stay connected.

Attendees from elsewhere wanted to create their own local Geek Breakfast chapters. Friends like Chris Ennis and Nicholas Holland helped design the old site, so folks could quickly register their own chapters. No strings, no charge - just connection. Chapters sprung up across the US, Canada, South Africa, and Australia.

When I would attend conferences like Gnomedex in Seattle, SXSW in Austin, and New Media Expo in Las Vegas, I would either organize a Geek Breakfast or a tweet-up.

What’s Changed and What Hasn’t

A lot has changed since 2007. Social networks are now powered by algorithms designed to show us what it determines will resonate most - both on a personal and commercial level. We may not see the tweets or updates posted by friends because of this. There is much more noise on social networks now because the laggards have joined the party. Some early adopters have given up altogether. Good people on social networks who just want human connection are now competing with trolls, brands, and bots who are adding noise and creating digital clutter.

I became excited for social networking back in 2007. I was lonely living in a new city. I was craving connection. I used social networks to meet new friends. I used in-person events to meet those online friends in-person.

I’m currently pruning my social network connections for the first time in many years. I’m longing for that excitement and true connection I experienced in the early days of “new media”. I’m also craving in-person connection, so I’ve restarted Geek Breakfast (at least for one event) to reconnect with old friends and make some new ones in Nashville.

We all crave human connection. We still can’t deliver true hugs, high-fives, and handshakes online, so we might as well meet up in person, right?

In keeping with the spirit of supporting community. 100% of proceeds from Geek Breakfast tickets will go to SafeHaven. I hope to see you there on Feb 15th.

UPDATE:

What I Learned From Iqaluit, Nunavut
What I learned in Iqaluit, Nunavut

I am so thankful to Google for bringing me to Iqaluit, Nunavut in the Canadian Arctic recently to speak for Grow with Google. Ironically, I personally grew from the experience of traveling to such a remote, amazing place in my homeland, Canada. The following are some discoveries from my brief time in Iqaluit.

I take low food prices and availability for granted.

No matter how often I try to be thankful, I still take things for granted. The price of goods in the Arctic can often be astronomical. Grapes can cost up to $28 (CDN) and a head of cauliflower is $13. I bought two bottles of water for nearly $14.

While I was visiting, a fire broke out at the main grocery store, NorthMart. The merchandise was either harmed or not available since the store had to close for several days. This put the city into food crisis mode.

Not only are prices of items so dear because of exorbitant shipping fees, but the availability of such goods can also suddenly grind to a stop in an emergency like fire or poor weather.

How to get your baby to sleep

I remember helplessly trying to get Ella to sleep when she was a baby. I would bring her to the bathroom, run the water gently from the tap, and softly bounce her up and down against my chest and shoulder. This worked - sometimes.

In Nunavut, women strap their babies skin-to-skin to their backs. Together with a partner, they produce the most amazing sounds from their throats. This guttural form of singing produces vibrations that lull the baby to sleep.

Inuit inspired throat singing has even seeped into pop culture in music by bands such as The Jerry Cans (I’m loving their music).

Save the Seals?

I must admit, I've always sided with organizations like Green Peace without much thought. I still admire much of their work. However, seal hunting is an essential part of Inuit culture that Green Peace has attacked.

Organizations like Greenpeace and PETA have lobbied for an all-out ban on seal hunting. They have successfully reduced the value of a seal pelts from $100 to $10. The Inuit argument is valid and should be seriously considered.

They hunt seals for food and spiritual ceremonies (advance the slides to view a video). Unlike sport hunters, Inuit use every part of the seals they kill. For example, the meat is used to feed many people. The blubber is pounded and the oil derived is used for candles. Even the bones are used for a dice-like game that families play together.

The United Nations commission and other government organizations have made revisions in seal hunting bans to permit Inuit people, but there is a big problem. The Inuit are apart of the global economy, they need to be in order to survive (we all need money). Beyond using seal pelts for their own clothing, they also need to sell these items. The money they earn is used to pay for equipment like rifles, Ski-doos, and gas. The documentary, Angry Inuk, does an excellent job describing this struggle.

I learned that I should understand both sides of a debate before jumping to conclusions. Yes, seals are cute, but they are paramount for people who were here, as Gordon Lightfoot would sing, "long before the white man and long before the rail”. They deserve our deep respect. Take the argument one step further and understand that Inuit people do far less damage to the earth than we do. Don’t get me started about the push for mineral exploration in their region.

Do much more for your community

I had the great fortune of meeting Mathew Nuqingaq, a local silversmith, metal artist, sculptor, drum dancer, photographer, and educator. I was directed to his Aayuraa Studio in an unassuming, small building. I was nervous to knock on the door. I didn't think I had the right place. Mathew greeted me with a somber stare, "Who are you?" He then pretended not to know any Mathew. I froze in awkwardness as he proceeded to laugh and smile, "I'm Mathew, welcome.”

His jewelry is amazing. I ended up buying Heather two items. It turns out that Mathew is a recognized Canadian artist. I watched a CBC story about how he uses his studio to teach young locals his craft. He doesn't teach them for profit, he does so to empower them.

Mathew reminded me that I need to do much more to support people in my own community. I intend to do this by registering to help non-profits with the Community Foundation of Nashville.

I am also launching a free weekly career counseling and small business support hour. I'll be announcing details to my Nice Maker newsletter subscribers soon on how to book this time with me.

Iqaluit is a wonderful place, isolated far north of major cities in Canada. Located just west of Greenland in the Baffin Islands. While it gets unbelievably cold, the people are as warm and hospitable as they come.

Thanks to the older couple in the minivan who picked me up along my long walk back to town from the Apex (and saving me from potential polar bear doom). Thanks to Brian for warming me back up with coffee at his shop, Grind and Brew.

Shout outs to the amazing staff at the Nunatta Sunakkutaangit Museum, Simeon at the Library, Gail Hodder, and Ryan Oliver at the Pinnguaq Maker Space. See you next time.

The Curious Case of the Rollins Tattoo
Henry Rollins.jpg

I was out for a morning walk with Peggy today when a gentleman approached asking if he could pet my dog. I said he absolutely could, but beware of her vicious licks. He laughed at my remark, crouched down, and began petting her. As he did, I noticed a large ROLLINS tattoo on his forearm.

I have always been a fan of Henry Rollins’ work. He’s a likeable, sensible, talented guy. One of his earliest and best-known bands was Black Flag, which was certainly a major part of the soundtrack of much of my youth. I always get a little excited when I meet a fellow “grown-up” who is a kindred spirit, so I asked him about the tattoo.

I exclaimed, “You have a Rollins tattoo! Cool.”

”Ya,” he replied, “I’m a songwriter and really dig his stuff.”

“You must be a big Black Flag fan?” I asked.

“No, not really.” He replied while continuing to rub Peg.

“Oh, Rollins Band, then?” I inquired. It's another awesome band he launched years after Black Flag.

“No, I don’t really like his music much. I love his writing, though, I’m a huge fan.”

His reply completely threw me off. Say the words “Henry Rollins,” and I instantly think of this guy. Say the words “Henry Rollins” to Peggy’s new friend, and I expect he would think of this guy. We both aren’t wrong. Henry Rollins was a fantastic singer and frontman, as he is an author and spoken word artist. But I found this moment awkward because of how we both enjoy the same guy for different reasons in our contrasting worlds.

This got me thinking about personal brands and how we can be different things to different people. I sometimes get stuck in my own head thinking about my persona as it applies to my work. By being too many things, I fear this fogs my brand, leaving people wondering what it is I do. It’s especially important that everyone knows what I do, so they recommend me or hire me. I am self-employed, so this is crucial.

Rollins is a singer, poet, author, photographer, spoken-word artist, actor, radio broadcaster, and record label owner. He is many different things to many different people, and he makes his living from all of them combined. How punk rock is that?

Maybe I should cool my inner thinking and instead focus on my life work. This ramble has inspired me to focus on a new project that has been on my backburner for a bit. It's time to shift gears a tad, but I also need to remember what feeds my family.

I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone.
— Henry Rollins.
Waves
Waves in entrepreneurship

Picture deep, dark, waves violently bashing up and down endlessly. This is often how an entrepreneurial journey feels. The waves can be exhausting and dangerous. They can appear like there is no end in sight. 

Zoom out of the picture slowly. The color of the waves is transforming from navy blue to aquamarine. The waves are settling down now as you realize you are not looking deep into an ocean, instead, it is a wave pool at a waterpark. 

Wave Pool.jpg

These two scenarios sum up entrepreneurship. Some weeks are filled with threatening waves and others are the fun ones you can splash around in. These different waves can appear within the same hour too. Step back and realize you are in a wave pool more often than you think.

Treat entrepreneurship like a visit to a waterpark

When you research and plan the waterslides you most want to ride, you are more likely to achieve these goals. Start with a plan.

Instead of waiting and waiting, show up early to beat the crowds. There will always be other people visiting the park.

Don't judge people. Observe the terrible tattoos and realize everybody makes bad decisions.

As the day goes on, the lines grow longer. If you find yourself at the end of one, refrain from staring up in envy to those at the top. They waited just as long as you did.

Understand that you might not be able to ride every waterslide. You can return another day. In fact, if you travel a little you might discover an even better waterpark waiting for you.

Reward yourself for your hard work by grabbing a tube and floating along the lazy river. You have earned it.

The next time you feel that you are in too deep, take some steps back. Decide what you should do by analyzing the situation. Are you lost, floating in the ocean on the verge of drowning? Or are you in a wave pool? I bet you will find you are in the waterpark far more often than you think.

Make no mistake, you will get wet on this ride.

Photo from Flickr by Cristiano Palese.

Must Know Nice Rules of the Sky
Flight and Airport Etiquette

I’ve been doing plenty of air travel to speaking engagements and workshops for the past few months. I love to explore the cities and towns across the country and meet locals from wherever I go. In the past two weeks, I’ve been to Columbia, S.C.; Sacramento and Napa Valley, Calif.; Kansas, Mo. and Sabetha, Kan. All were wonderful, very different locations.

According to the Federal Aviation Administration, 2,587,000 passengers fly in and out of U.S. airports daily. Those passengers fill up an average daily 26,527 flights. That is many different people with different levels of experience in air travel and etiquette. 

For the sake of all who take to the skies once or 300 times a year, let’s review a few rules you should consider while sitting in an airport or when you’re up in the clouds.  

There is a special place in Hell for those who recline their seats.

There is a special place in Hell for those who recline their seats.

  • It’s never OK to play the sound on your device without headphones, even for your kids.

  • If you must speak on your phone, find a quiet corner of the airport.

  • Get up and give your seat at the airport should someone need it.

  • Avoid the airport seats near power outlets if you’re not going to use them. Be sure to unplug and share that power once you are all juiced up.

  • Delays aren’t worth complaining about. Your complaint won’t make it depart any sooner. I’d rather have a safe flight.

  • The middle seat gets the armrests. It’s only fair; nobody wants to sit in a stranger sandwich.

  • If the person you speak with doesn’t ask you questions, it’s time to be quiet.

  • Upset babies are upset babies. C’est la vie. Don’t blame the parents. You were once a screaming baby, too. Seek revenge one day if you must.

  • Only jerks recline their seats on domestic flights. Passengers are already packed like sardines up there. Now there’s proof.

  • Give eye contact and listen to the flight attendants as they go through the emergency procedures. During a recent emergency, a photo circulated on social media of passengers wearing their oxygen masks upside down.

  • Clean up your garbage and recycle. Seriously, make your mother proud.

  • Consider the people around you when watching your videos. The child sitting behind you may not sleep soundly again after “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

  • Leave your shoes on at all times. Nobody wants to see your feet.

According to the FAA, there are 5,000 aircraft in the sky at any given time. So the next time you plan to join them, keep my friendly rules in mind to make the experience much better for you and your fellow travelers. 

Just for fun, would you like to know how many planes are traveling above you right now? Ask your smartphone. While I wrote this article, there were five flights up there. I hope those passengers are following my rules, too. Safe travels.

Don't miss my Nice Newsletter to see what I discover online each week.

Get Dealt Wisdom
Dealt Movie.png

I was trying to hide the tears from my son as we watched Dealt, the Richard Turner documentary. The film is about the life and career of one of the most renowned card magicians of all time, Richard Turner, a blind expert card manipulator known for his card trick performances. I was getting misty because there's a scene when he sends his son off to college. I realized our kids will be heading off before we know it. 

You would imagine you could learn a lot about performance and card magic from Richard Turner, the winner of the Golden Lion Award in Magic, the Lynn Searles Award for Excellence in Card Manipulation, and the recipient of the Close-Up Magician of the Year award from The Academy of Magical Arts. What you wouldn't expect are the invaluable life lessons within the film.

Whether you have an interest in card magic (like I do) or not, I implore you to watch Luke Korem's Dealt. I promise you will come away feeling inspired and thankful. The following are a few takeaways I jotted down during the movie. 

Lessons from Richard Turner in “Dealt”

  • Believe that you are special. You have to love yourself. Richard Turner proves this in spades! 

  • Be thankful for your setbacks, they make you who you are. Turner took his blindness and made it his secret weapon. 

  • Be honest and transparent. This isn't a cliche, folks.

  • Accept your weaknesses. Accept help from others. We all have weaknesses. When we accept them we can move on with your life.

  • Teach others. I love doing this through my speaking and workshops.

  • Practice, practice, practice what you want to be known for.

  • You can't conquer what you're not willing to confront. Screw the demons!

Important Jay-Z Letterman Lessons

Not many people know this, but when I was in my early teens, I carried a photo of David Letterman in my wallet. I was a diehard fan of his rebellious comedy. Who else rents a convertible, let's the roof and windows down, lights a cigar, and drives the car through a carwash? Without early Letterman there would be no Tom Green, Jackass, Eric Andre, or countless YouTube pranksters. I still love artists who push the boundaries.

Letterman's new Netflix special, My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, has been awesome so far. I just watched his interview with Jay-Z and it did not disappoint. I decided to write notes and share them with you here. Get ready to be inspired. 

But first, I have another thing to admit, I'm completely ignorant of Jay-Z's music. Maybe it's because at my age, I like to hear the familiar. So I listen to much of the same music I've always loved. Understand, I totally crave discovering new music, I just don't have the time. I've also never been a major hip-hop fan. This is probably from lack of exposure more than anything else. I'm no longer surrounded by friends who would share music liberally. I love plenty of "old" hip hop, but I just never got around to discovering Jay-Z's work. That said.... I've just downloaded everything and I'm digging in. Leave a comment with some newer music I should check out if you please.

Jay-Z with David Letterman Netflix.jpg

Jay-Z is Picasso

At the start of Letterman's interview, he referred to Jay-Z as Picasso. Even Heather has talked about how much she admires him. Unsurprisingly, Letterman asked thought-provoking questions that led to me sharing this with you here. Here's what I learned from his interview.

Awake feeling grateful each day. Ask yourself what you're grateful for when you open your eyes. I usually wake up and my mind immediately begins to race with the daily tasks I need to accomplish. Instead, I need to slow down and focus on what I am thankful for. Our health, my family, my friendships, my home, my work, Peggy sleeping on Heather's side of the bed instead of mine.

Use your free time to create. Jay-Z did this writing rhymes on scraps of paper when he was on the street selling crack. Yes, he was a crack dealer in the projects at just sixteen years old. He would earn money to help his single mom raise four kids. My birthday will be the first day of regularly writing a daily journal. I fully commit to the idea of doing this for self-discovery and to leave Ella and Sam something special after I've left this planet mentally or physically.

Become a mentor. Mrs. Lowden, a high school teacher, took Jay-Z under her wing. I've tried to do this with community groups in Nashville, but haven't done a good enough job. I'm excited to reach back out and get this ball rolling again. Organizations like Oasis Center, Thistle Farms, Big Brothers, Conexcion Americas are all solid starting points.

Aim to create content that will last forever. I believe that by teaching improv, I'll impact participants for a lifetime. This work has me so excited. The public facing content I create may be in the shape of a podcast and certainly more writing like this post. Evergreen is key. I plan to keep this all in mind as I consider my next book.

Get to know different people. The more I know about you, the more I can relate to you. This understanding helps us become more compassionate about what others are going through. Volunteering my time will help. Attending events that draw different types of people is also important. Mix it up.

We need to understand and be aware of the invisible similarities we all have.

There is an emotional transcendence that occurs when you become a parent. This happened for me too, it's like you suddenly reach a new level of maturity. Letterman asked why this doesn't occur for other moments in our lives, Jay-Z replied it was fear stopping us.

He explained that we need to understand and be aware of the invisible similarities we all have. For example, we all crave love, integrity, and loyalty. Fear comes from the things that make us different from one another on the outside like our races, sexes, clothing, economic status symbols.

Letterman asked what Jay-Z's thoughts are about the Trump administration and where America is. Jay-Z explained that he thought Trump was a good thing for a key reason.

Trump is forcing people to have a conversation. You can't really address something that's not revealed. He is bringing out the ugly side of America we wanted to believe was gone. And it's still here. We've still got to deal with it. We have to have tough conversations. For example, why is every third black or Latino man in America in prison? Good question. I highly recommend you watch Thirteenth on Netflix for more about this urgent question.

Let's face it, we might not become the next Picasso, Jay-Z, or Letterman. But we can live rewarding lives if we follow this wisdom. That's my plan.

Be thankful, become a mentor, connect with people who are different than you, create your art and make it stand the test of time. 

Made You Look

This post was inspired by a video shared with me by Blake Wylie on Twitter

Two summers ago, my family and I road tripped across the south western United States. We stopped at the Grand Canyon along the way. Our timing was impeccable because they were hosting the annual Star Party.

Amateur astronomers from all over the world gathered in a nondescript parking lot at the visitor center. Together they set up their telescopes for an evening of sky watching brilliance. The Grand Canyon park staff shut off all park lights to prevent any light pollution from hindering the sky view. 

Short lines would form in front of each telescope. Some had seats to look up, others had small step ladders to reach the eyepiece. Each astronomer had his or her telescope pointed to a specific planet. We got to see Saturn, Mars, Jupiter, and event the Moon! It was truly magical. 

I was reminded of this story after watching the short film, A New View of the Moon by Alex Gorosh. The moral of the film is to stop and look up more often, it is also to consider how small our planet actually is. You can get deeper and realize we're all the same species. We humans share an awful lot together. 

Watching the film also reminded me of how lucky we were to happen upon and participate in the Star Party. I feel that I take such experiences in my life for granted by not realizing how special they are. Maybe you do this too.

Enjoy this. 

This blog post was first sent as an email newsletter to my Nice Maker subscribers. Join us

How to Make Money
How to make money

I had a come to Jesus with Michael Port a couple of years ago. If you aren’t familiar, Michael is an incredibly gifted professional speaker who successfully shifted his career from actor to speaker trainer. He and his amazing wife and partner, Amy, started Heroic Public Speaking together.

Michael and I had spoken at a conference and things were winding down for the day. A handful of fellow speakers had gathered to chat. We got to talking about personal finance and a few of us (myself included) admitted to not fully understanding this. We had chosen to ignore personal finance instead of trying to understand and invest in it. We literally had decided not to invest in our futures.

There are plenty of charlatans out there sharing misinformation to bilk you for your money. I have always been pessimistic about investing. The closest I had ever been to investing was within a violent grasp of my former step-mother, a psychotic stockbroker. I suppose the other side of it was being sickened by Gordon Gecko in the movie, Wall Street. What a dick!

Michael had no stake in sharing his investment advice with us. He gave us plenty to run with. He also followed up and kindly sent us an email recapping his valuable advice. He began his email suggesting we speak with our accountants about retirement. I didn’t have an accountant (I̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶). Gulp.

Personal Finance Books You Must Read

He suggested we begin by reading Allan Roth’s book, How a Second Grader Beats Wall Street: Golden Rules Any Investor Can Learn. I’m going to share everything I learned from it here with you. Michael also suggested a few other books, but I realized I still needed to get my head around some of the simpler points on personal finance. So I read, I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi. He simplifies things for novices like me to understand, the book is geared more towards college-aged readers. I’m going to share what I learned from it in this post. I also read, Rich Dad Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That The Poor And Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki, because I had heard multiple people talking about it recently.

Finally, I just finished You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth by Jen Sincero. This book came recommended by my friend and fellow mastermind group rock star, Pamela Wilson. It’s more of a mindset book than a finance book, but it all comes down to making money, right? Afterall, like Wu-Tang say, "Cash rules, still don't nothing move but the money." 

The following are quotes and excerpts from each of these personal finance books beginning with Sincero’s book because you will need money to invest, right?   

Step 1: Mindset. You Are a Badass at Making Money

We can literally create the reality we desire by making ourselves think and believe what we desire to think and believe. You cannot give what you do not have, so if you want to help others you have to take care of yourself first.

What comes out of your mouth comes into your life. We need to master our mindsets and understand Universal Intelligence. 

When you don’t investigate what’s going on with your words, thoughts, and beliefs, you risk stumbling through life on autopilot. Once resistance is gone, you’re back into your natural state of flow, there’s no doubt and fear cluttering up your energy, and the Universe can deliver you the riches you desire. Your thoughts also trigger your emotions, which get you off yer ass to take action, and your reality begins to shift.

Practice saying thank-you every time you receive money, think to yourself, “See, money loves me, it just can’t stay away.”

Take five or ten minutes to imagine yourself living out one of the specifics of your desire for riches. Write a letter to it as if it were a person. Spend at least five minutes every day sitting in silence connecting with the energy of money. Imagine money flowing all around you, filling you up, moving into and out of your heart. Note: See Jim Carrey's story about writing a check to himself for ten million dollars as proof this works. 

Vague aspirations lead to vague results; specific aspirations lead to kicking ass. Write down five action steps you will take right now to move yourself in that direction. If you wait to have the money first, it may never happen. There’s a fine line between perfectionism and procrastination.

Get clear on how much money you desire to make and by when (be specific about what the money is for and don’t forget to include your monthly nut of bare-necessity costs). Make sure this number is real and connected to specific things that bring up specific emotions. Then chunk it back – if your goal is five years away, chunk it back to how much you will make in four years, how much you will make in two years, how much you need to make this year, in six months, etc. all the way back to this month. Then put a definite plan in place with clear action steps that go toward your goal. Always stay attached to your WHY so when things get tough you keep going. Always pay attention to your numbers. If you don’t make your financial goal one week, add it on to the next. Your numbers MUST be nonnegotiable or else you’ll never get rich.

Step 2: The Basics. I Will Teach You To Be Rich

Credit is one of the most vital factors in getting rich. Once a year, by law, you’re allowed to obtain your credit report for free at www.annualcreditreport.com. The best thing to do to improve your credit score is to pay your bills on time.

On average, millionaires invest 20% of their household income each year.

Open a Roth IRA and set up automatic payments. Combine a classic low-cost investing strategy with automation. Note: Almost everything I have read recommended a Vanguard account, so I rolled my 401Ks from previous employers into a new account.

Use Google Calendar to set twelve savings goals throughout the year, with an email reminder for each one. Add a savings goal of three months of bare-bones income before you do any investing.

Spend Sunday nights reviewing receipts versus your credit card statement. Note, my father-in-law does this and he is brilliant with his money, I admire him a lot. I started to do this (not often enough) and noticed discrepancies right away.

Search for a financial planner at napfa.org. Only work with those who are fee-based and simply charge a flat fee. There’s no reason to pay exorbitant fees for active management when you could do better, for cheaper, on your own.

Mutual funds fail to beat the market seventy-five percent of the time. What you really want is solid, long-term returns.

Individual investors like you and me should not invest in individual stocks. Your portfolio will have better overall performance if you add bonds to the mix.

Step 3: Investment. How a Second Grader Beats Wall Street

Investing is about measuring risk and increasing that risk only if they can expect a long-term higher return. I never hesitate to point out that buying a couple of dozen companies is not going to increase your expected return but will increase risk. That, of course, is speculation, not investing.

There is one way, and only one way, to build a stock portfolio that is guaranteed to beat the average dollar invested. For the US stock market that one way is to buy the entire market in proportion to the value of each company. You should own a total US stock index fund.

Owning only three index funds can truly spread your eggs over the entire global basket and make competing with Wall Street such an unfair game - for them. If you own the entire market, not only are you mathematically certain to beat Wall St., you will do it with less risk. It’s the ultimate in the lesson we all learned as kids: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

Always keep at least ten percent of your nest egg in bonds or fixed income. Bond funds that are intermediate term in length are best. Buying bonds with maturities of thirty years is too risky. Five years is the sweet spot.  

Step 4: Next Steps. Rich Dad Poor Dad

The avoidance of money is just as psychotic as being attached to money. The main cause of poverty or financial struggle is fear and ignorance. It’s this self-inflicted fear and ignorance that keeps people trapped.

Once a person stops searching for information and self-knowledge, ignorance sets in. Intelligence solves problems and produces money. Money without financial intelligence is money soon gone. The people who lose are the uninformed.

If your pattern is to spend everything you get, most likely an increase in cash will just result in an increase in spending. When it comes to money, high emotions tend to lower financial intelligence.

This pattern of treating your home as an investment, and the philosophy that a pay raise means you can buy a larger home or spend more, is the foundation of today’s debt-ridden society. The rich buy assets. The poor only have expenses. The middle class buy liabilities they think are assets.

We learn to walk by falling down. Excessive fear and self-doubt are the greatest detractors of personal genius. Only a person’s doubts keep them poor.

And So…

Am I rich yet? Far from it. Do I now have money automatically going into my investments each month? Hell, yes. I have even made money from doing so over the last year, albeit it’s not a huge return (yet).

UPDATE: I have since learned not to look to see if I’ve made money on my investments. Instead, I act like a horse with blinders and simply stay the course.

Last summer, I met with a financial advisor who was recommended by my bank manager. We spoke for about an hour on this stuff. He pointed out how impressed he was that I had read these books and took the initiative to be better informed about my personal finances. I decided not to work with him because of his high fees and from what I learned in these books. Nice enough guy though.

According to Gallup, just over half of Americans own stocks, matching a record low. Middle-class adults, those younger than thirty-five are less likely to invest. MarketWatch reports that Americans (and probably Canadians, maybe) are still terrible at investing. The study finds that Americans lack the patience to hold investments for more than a few years.

I for one will not touch my investments. I’m letting them sit and accrue, from the advice I have learned from these books and from Michael Port. I also plan to keep reading personal finance books recommended by smart friends. You should too.

Here are links to each book mentioned:

You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth

I Will Teach You To Be Rich

How a Second Grader Beats Wall Street: Golden Rules Any Investor Can Learn.

Rich Dad Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That The Poor And Middle Class Do Not!

What books should I add to my list? 

Damned Gum Balls

Blood oozed from his head, in pain from a sudden slip and fall along the pathway to our front door. Our guest was a friend of a friend's who had joined us for dinner. It was dark outside as he walked along our path back to his car. Suddenly, he felt something round under his foot that left him clutching for the air above as he lost his footing. Thankfully, he was alright, minus the scrape along the back of his head. 

I've come to hate the damned gum balls that fall from the trees into our yard each autumn. Don't let the name of the tree fool you, Sweet Gum, there's nothing sweet about them. They even have a bunch of different names to confuse homeowners: American sweetgum, American storax, hazel pine, bilsted, redgum, satin-walnut, star-leaved gum, alligatorwood, and Liquidambar styraciflua for you tree nerds. 

If you think stepping on a piece of Lego hurts, try taking a casual stroll beneath one of these suckers this time of year. Each time the kids run outside in socks or bare feet to play with Peggy, I cringe that they will fall victim too. 

In fact, I almost unknowingly impaled Sam as I ran the lawnmower over a pile of gum balls recently. They projected from the machine at him like he was trapped in a batter's cage with the machine gone all Maximum Overdrive.

One man's trash is another one's treasure 

We bought our house because of all of the trees on our lot. This time of year, the Sweet Gum trees change color and are quite pretty. For a moment (just a moment), I consider how much I enjoy them. Then I remember what lies beneath, waiting for its prey. 

I decided to read up more on the evils of gum balls and discovered, to my horror, that they are treasured items to others. A quick search revealed multiple sellers on Etsy!

Sweet Gum Tree Balls

One description reads, "These look great as home decor with some real or fake red berries in a bowl for the holidays, in potpourri as decorative filler, or use to make ornaments." 

Even during a Thanksgiving stroll through Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, I discovered packaged gum balls for sale. The packaging called them "Pork-E-Pine Eggs". When left in a cool, dry place for seven months, they would hatch into baby pen-cushions.

Now how could a spiky ball function as a comfortable pen-cushion? Perhaps it was a typo that was supposed to read "pin-cushion". Still, who would want to stick a pin and watch these nasty things ooze? Yuck. 

But somebody buys gum balls. Enough people buy them to warrant packaging them and selling them in stores and online.

If I asked Peggy, I am certain she would tell me how much she loves them. Each time I'm outside with her in our yard, she adorably picks up a gum ball in her mouth, drops it, and happily paws it across the yard. The gum balls have become wonderful play toys for our little puppy.

Another man's treasure. 

Ramble on Success
A ramble about success

I think I'm wiser from every failure. Every diet I've tried, every attempt at mindfulness and meditation, every new habit that has failed. I am too hard on myself each time I quit or fail.

I'm not unhealthy. I'm not stressed to the point of sleeplessness or suicidal thoughts. I can relax, I can breathe deeply, I can organize my day and stick with each task until completion.

I've learned these things from my sometimes feeble attempts. I understand what's needed to accomplish items when I aim to, I simply choose not too.

I choose not to stretch multiple times a day. I choose not to exercise. I choose not to work on the proposal, or plan, or manuscript. It's not you, it's me. My own worst enemy, they say.

I'm learning each day I procrastinate. I learn because I read the articles and books, I listen to the experts telling me what I must do to succeed.

Luck & Chance

We don't get their full, truthful transparency. We get the vision of excellence designed by the experts' marketing and publicity teams. We don't see their actual successes that actually fund their journey into expertise. Or maybe we do, but that's not the sexy part of the story. We don't hear about the luck and chance that got them to where they are today. Because so much is about this - luck and chance.

I can't rely exclusively on luck and chance though. Nobody should. But making attempts to improve myself gets me closer to the luck, closer to that chance encounter. Trying and failing gets me closer to the success I long for. And that success isn't the Ferrari or fancy home. It's extended vacations with my family. It's the peace of mind that the house has been paid for. It's knowing that the kids can go to college without the massive debt they should otherwise expect. It's having Heather home with me and traveling to my speaking engagements. It's knowing that our retirement savings are secure and ready for us to unplug from the day-to-day. A house on a lake with a wood-burning fireplace. Maybe a hot tub too. 

What is Success?

Having these visions alone is a success. Most people don't envision what their success looks like. Waiting in the car, in the fall sun, writing this as I wait for the kids is success. Happy, healthy, smart, silly kids... our success. Excited to see Heather when she gets home from work. Success. Leaving to Chicago for Google, success. Leaving to Louisville for my own engagement, success. Running my own business with wonderful clients, success. Writing and having my book published, success. 

Take a minute to consider what your success looks like. Now consider all of your successes to date. You're more successful than you think.

I'm 45. I'm just getting started. 

Try Love
Photo from Unsplash by Cerys Lowe.

Photo from Unsplash by Cerys Lowe.

I wrote something on Facebook the other day in a moment of anger. I won't bore you with the details but it included an F-bomb. The gist was I was denouncing racists, specifically white ones. They seem to cause the most damage in the world, as I am certain you will agree.

Unfortunately, some family members were among the first to see and comment on the post (I usually try to keep the mood casual and entertaining on social). The post wasn't intended for family. It was intended for the tiki-torch yielding, racists who continue to give people like me (also a white male and occasional tiki torch patron) a bad name. 

As an immigrant myself, I felt that I needed to say something because every white person should be speaking up and against the racism, sexism, homophobia that we continue to see these days. And yes, I know that social media isn't a place to win people over by arguing with trolls. But I feel that we could all do our best to balance out the vitriol with more kindness, empathy, and love. I know in my heart that there are far more good people than the not-so-good. Some people are even brave enough to win them over

So I thought I would clear my head on the blog today about this topic. I'll leave you with words by Martin Niemöller. He was a Protestant pastor who became an outspoken enemy of Adolf Hitler and spent the last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration camps. 

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Setting and Achieving Your Goals with Overlap
How to set goals

Imagine yourself in a car at night, driving down a long, barren road with flat empty fields along both sides. You have been driving for many hours, and you have no idea where you are headed, or if you will ever reach your destination. You don't know this because you never decided where you are going. You are just driving with no plan.

You might be enjoying the feeling you get from the freedom of the open road. However, eventually, you will begin to get frustrated and feel stressed by the uncertainty of not knowing where you are going.

Setting yourself personal and professional goals will help you set and reach your destination. If you have no goals you will eventually run out of gas along the side of that barren road.

Don't quit your day job.

I was reminded of the importance of goals as I read Sean McCabe's new book, Overlap: The Ultimate Guide to Turning Your Side Passion Into a Successful Business. McCabe is an entrepreneur who has had several successful businesses over his career. We met in-person at Jeff Goins' Tribe Conference recently and spoke more about his book. He wrote it to encourage readers to go after what they truly want to do professionally. He doesn't preach what others do about quitting your day job. Instead, he encourages you to carve out time to work on a side business that can bring you joy and reward you financially. This all begins and ends with the goals you set for yourself.

In Overlap, McCabe describes his own goal of writing the book and how he completed it in just one month. He describes his process of writing 80,000 words over two weeks. McCabe includes a clever strategy to help readers set and reach their goals.

A strategy to achieve your goals.

Begin by creating a long list of all of your life goals. McCabe recommends determining which of the goals on your list will have the biggest impact on your life if accomplished in one year. He then says to start a new list and write that one goal on the top of the page. Follow this with twenty bulleted items that will get you to accomplish that goal. Dedicate one day for each item and repeat this for twenty days. 

I would add that you might need some extra time on some of the items, but you will be surprised how little time it actually takes to complete them when you write them down. It also helps to reconsider watching YouTube and Netflix during this period because focus is key.

McCabe writes, "Successful people know what they want, and they invest every ounce of their energy in going after that one thing. You can achieve many great things in life, but you can achieve only one truly great thing at a time. If you try to pursue many goals at once, you will not succeed at any of them." He adds that you should visualize achieving your goal. He says to, see it, actualize it, and internalize the fact that it will happen. Never feel you have failed to reach your goal, just that you haven't achieved it yet.

Make an on-going list of what is effecting you positively and what's doing so negatively. Doing this will help you understand what is slowing you down from achieving your goal and what is helping.

Communicate your goals.

A key message in Overlap is to communicate your goal every day to everyone in your life. Make them associate you with the goal you plan to accomplish. It needs to be on their minds when they think of you. You can even add the people in your life to your list. Some will support you all the way, while others may try to talk you out of it or even speak negatively of your goal.

McCabe writes, "If the people in your life don't know what your goal is they can't help you achieve it." He goes on to remind his readers that we need to know the goals our friends have and do our best to support them as well. As I always say, networking is a two-way street.

Why not pull your imaginary car over right now? Fire up Google Maps or grab the old Rand McNally from the glove box. Choose your destination. You are far more likely to make your journey a success when you know where you want to arrive.

Leave a comment with your goal. Maybe we can help you get there.